To Do

Call Natwest re credit card
Call Takeshi
Cherry Blossom shot list
Send Package to Chris Peck
Package to Sam
Call Mark re wedding
Jane Doolan
Sort out package for email
email
Call &*^% re HBO/BBC, New Cinema Fund, A&E, Alt TV

Tokyo

the place to go for a mid life crisis.

Akiko came into town today. That was weird seeing her here.

My horoscope says:

Much depends on you fostering the right frame of mind and nurturing your small opportunities, rather as if they were seedlings.

Fear or Laziness

Which is the most universal human characteristic? Fear or laziness?

Met with Ben Gibson today who is suggesting to start talking to production companies about the film. Most of the production companies he's suggesting are for TV. I really can't bare to make TC into format TV. Everyone is telling me to sell out...get the money...make what they want you to make. Who is "they," for one thing? And, I'm not 22. I don't have the time to make what they want me to make. I only have time to make the things I want to make.

Alexis de Tocqueville Democracy in America.

"The Whole Catastrophe"
This human shape is a ghost
Made of pure light
Sometimes cruel
Trying wildly to open
This image tightly held within itself.

Rumi

Stream of Consciousness

Cowboys' voice over. Sampling phrases to music. They tell their own stories, rambling, stream-of-consciousness fading in and out. Words coming out of their mouths fading out and fading in is an internal dialogue. do we have it? do we have it?

Skimming the Surface

There's something about Tokyo that lulls you in. And, when you wake up, it's 10 years later. Or seven years in my case. You can live three lifetimes in those 10 years...or seven.

What is it that keeps people there? There is a sense of freedom. You are not Japanese. You live by certain rules, which apply only to foreigners...Gaijin rules. And these rules change. You push the envelope. You see how much you can get away with. Some people crash and burn. I know a guy who took too many drugs and tried to saw off his own foot. But that's an extreme case. You skim along the surface of society moving at a million miles an hour.

Morality gets all messed up. You don't know what's right and what's wrong. It's hedonistic...not for the Japanese...they live by their rules...but that's not right: they are hedonistic as well. I lost my sanity in Tokyo...we all did. You never wanted it to end. I expected it to end when I left. And, when I returned, there it was again...all of the insanity. We had become lost. We were the lost Americans still searching for the American Dream, whatever that is.

Tokyo is like another planet. It's familiar, but not. Strange things, strange people, a Starbucks on every corner.

If reinvention means getting a second chance, then Tokyo is the reinvention capital of the world. One day you're an English teacher, the next year, you're the president of a Bank.

If you can have, do or be anything you choose, you can get bogged down in a quagmire of choices. In a way, unlimited freedom is an impossibility. As soon as you start to make choices, you limit your possibilities. Unlimited freedom is a philosophical idea...an abstract. No one is telling you what to do. There is no family, no friends, no God. You make your own choices. You take 100% responsibility for those choices. No one is there to tell you what's right and what's wrong. There is only you. There is only you.

Nicotine and Baghdad

American tanks rolled into the streets of Baghdad yesterday. The city was taken almost quietly, and the Iraqis rejoiced. They pulled down the statute in Paradise Square, burning images of Sadam and waving the American flag. One of the flags had an image of Sly Stalone as Rocky. It was surreal. Now what happens?

Looks like we can make it through July without starving. That's a comfort.
Still trying to complete my visa application to stay on in this country as a worker. If they won't have me, where should I go?

Nicotine is a horrible, horrible drug--the worst. Don't let anyone tell you any different. It's a miracle I'm still alive.

Paying the Rent Sucks

Just have to concentrate on the small steps. One foot in front of the other, and before you know it, it will start to take shape. Budget, scheduling, I hate all of this stuff. And then I have to figure out how we're going to pay the rent. That sucks. I want to focus on my art.

I heard this thing about female artists. That not only do we get obsessed by our art, but we also have to clean the house, pay the bills, raise the kids (thank God I didn't go down that street), be a woman to the man. I don't know what to do with myself.

Ken Wilbur

Ken Wilbur says there was once a time in human history, pre-language history, when man could not distinguish dreams from reality. How weird is that? I had this dream last night that God had gone to High School with me. That's all I remember from that dream.

Oooooo, spooky: Look Inside of the book.

Logging

Yesterday Mr. S. invested a substantial amount of money into the project. This was a direct answer to my prayers, thank you very much. Have been logging incessantly.

Old People in Hawaii

Old people on the bus with their 40 something minders. One guy's name is "Bill." He must be in his 80s. He's got a tattoo, but you can't tell what it once was. He's really skinny, but was probably a looker in his time...maybe a colonel in the USMC...hero in WWII.

But now he looks confused...keeps checking his pocket for change or something. I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder if he's drugged. Wonder what he's feeling as his minder yells "Not yet, Bill. Just relax. We've got a long way to go still." I wonder if I can create a diversion so that he can escape at the next stop.

Worn Out

Worn out people...killing themselves to stay young.
Rand says " It's a miracle none of us has gotten sick or died."

Beat the Street

Beat the street. I hate this place. Wanna go home. "Go home!" Tokyo screams. And my head is exploding, and I can't find any cheap food.

Construction

At a FEW meeting Alex Kerr says that 40% of the national budget of Japan is spent on construction and that 12% of the work force of Japan is directly involved in construction. No wonder Ken's so pissed off about the construction going on all around him.

Donnie Darko

Life is Empty and Meaningless

I'm drunk and it's 7 a.m. We did the worst thing...staying up all night with jetlag...or...drinking with our subjects. Or, having a subject who is an ex-husband.

Mark quotes "Life is empty and meaningless. And the fact that life is empty and meaningless is empty and meaningless" from Landmark Education. Patrick responds: "There is only the present moment. And I'm pretty happy at the present."

We have Arrived

It's Japan. And I'm at Akiko's.

If you could have, do or be...

If you could have, do or be whatever you wanted, how would you choose? Right vs. Wrong. Freedom vs. Responsibility. Imagine a world with no rules.

We Got the Money

Confirmation of a £5,000 investment came through from Mr. A.

Now it's real, and I'm freaking out. I don't have a story. I've got some great characters--some larger than life characters. But I don't have a story. What the f---? It's the research really. You film what you've planned to film, and you'll do loads of research when you get there. This film will take place over the course of a year and a half. Japan at least 4 times. Hawaii maybe two. Barcelona once.

I'll get the story.

I was thinking about surrogate families. These guys are each other's surrogate families. They are all long-term residents of Tokyo. They have their businesses there. They are expats....business expats. Tokyo in the 00s is the same as Paris in the 30s. No that's not right. They are businessmen. Not artists.

What's the story...what's the story? They are struggling with their success. They are men without a country. They are Cowboys. What's the Cowboy mentality? John Wayne. Clint Eastwood. They are men working hard to build a new life in the postmodern urban frontier. They are heroes with big, big flaws. They are likable characters, but are they? I want to portray them honestly. They are men in the new frontier.

What about the women? Patrick says "there's a reason why Westerns are about men."

The tribe thing...I like that. That's something tangible. What's this film about? It's about a bunch of foreign guys and 18 million Japanese people. It's about a city, a time, a place. That's still not a story.

They are metaphorically living on a different planet. Can I juxtapose the Japanese ancient culture with the new-tech Tokyo Cowboys.

Go to Meijii shrine during Oshou Gatsu.

In this moment...

In this moment, this eternal moment, I am filled with something that feels like what happiness should feel like. Survival on the frontier. What does it take to survive? Struggling with Western values and beliefs in an alien and postmodern culture.