Back in the Saddle Again

Finally settled back into London, and Patrick has started cutting again. I went back to work at the Film School to bring some money in. Patrick is getting gigs here and there. A one-day gig for Patrick yields one week’s worth of wages I get from the Film School, but the school is steady work.

We are very close to an assembly with some 57 sequences cut, but not there yet. It’s all going to come together with the writing, so I’ve got to find time between working full time and taking care of the production side of things to get in some quality writing.

What is clear, though, is that after taking nearly a month off from the footage, I can objectively say that the stuff is cutting together very nicely and we have something special.

Cowboy News

Nice Guyjin have been ranked #11 on Japanese itunes in the category of Rab/Hip Hop.

A Bit All Over the Place

Finally back in London! Rolled into Rob's at 4:30. Caught up. Friday morning, Patrick and I excitedly boarded the bus in anticipation of seeing the flat. We waited out on Old Compton Street for the agent to show. But, when he did, he had just gotten off the phone with the news that his nan had just died! He took us up to the flat, and it was the wrong one. But, the poor guy was in such a state that we could do nothing about it.

The other flat was already taken. I was a little pissed at Adam as he was supposed to see the flat two days earlier, but he couldn't because of work.

We've got an appt. on Monday to see two others near Holborn station. One, says the agent, is the size of a football field. I'll believe it when I see it.

I will not be beaten! We will find a flat in central, and it will be cool.

P's job has been put back a week, but that will give him the opportunity to re-acquaint himself with the software.

Patrick and I have been together for nearly 4 years.

Mom wants us home for Christmas. How am I going to manage it.

Things I Don't Spend Money On

On the boat back to London. Got up at 5 a.m. to make the 3 hour drive to Gothenberg to get the boat. Couldn't sleep last night anyway. Stayed at Goren's, and he has mice...it's a farm! They were running around all night. We had to sleep with the light on, and then they were quiet.

Made two appts to see flats on Friday.

We're both really looking forward to being back in London. My plans? Work up at the film school as many days as they will let me. Editing at night. Writing on the weekends. Patrick got put up for a job by R. It's asst. editing, and it pays quite well, so we are excited about that.

Just want to get settled in a flat, activate our love film account, get out UGC cinema cards back and start editing again. Staying at R and H's for two weeks until we get a flat.

As for my idea about publishing in London, I wrote down 20 ideas. I bought the "Writer's Yearbook," and I'm going to give it a go. If I can get published here, that will be three countries who have published my work. I'd love to get some of the poetry published, but I will take just about anything. In Tokyo, I had to do loads of writing for free before I got my paid gigs. I don't think it will be any different in London.

I feel that this coming year has good things in store for Patrick and me. A better quality of life, some regular money...it would be nice to actually make a living as opposed to just scraping by. Here is a list of things that we haven't spent money on in years:

hair cuts--why pay for them when you can do them yourself (in P's case) or not at all (in my case)
the dentist--floss and brush after every meal, no sweets, powerful mouthwash
dining out--why when you can cook
CDs--borrow them
DVDs--ibid
Books--ibid
make up--never wore it anyway
clothes--hand-me-downs from fashionable friends
shoes--they last for years
socks--I'm a darn good darner
underwear--ibid
hair gel--shaved head and long hair need none
gym--walk faster

Things that I give up meals for:

the cinema
the TV license

I think our financial situation will get better in the coming year. I'd like to stop begging for money. I mean, what makes me different from the beggars on the street. I'm using the money begged to pay rent, while they are using it to buy smack. One man's rent is another man's smack.

Small Things of Note

Spent the day yesterday transcribing the Ueno footage of Nice Guyjin. Had a phone call with Channel 4 telling me what they were expecting for the pitch.

The Next Best Day

Yesterday, Channel 4 called. I've been short listed for the Channel 4 Sheffield Documentary Pitch for another idea I had. That was a bit unexpected, but very nice. I told her I was in Sweden and had to figure out how to get back to London. So, booked a flight on Ryan Air to go back to London next week.

CA gave me a contact for a Japanese marketing company in London. Who knows what will come out of it, but it's worth an introductory email.

Our patron came through with some money as well. This allowed me to pay off the overdraft debt on my account, which has been hanging over my head for a year. My account is now zeroed out. It seems like the plan is working. NV Peale suggests cultivating a relaxed trust in God. Prayerize, Pictureize, Actualize. When you have a problem in your life, talk it over with God,test it according to his will. Now I'm sounding like a mad Jesus freak, but I do have a strong faith, and it does work when I'm not whinging, so who cares?

The Best Day of my Life

Got up late and spent until 4 p.m. sending off emails. It's amazing all of the admin work that goes along with making a film. It's enough to drive one's creativity away.

Started to edit the first meeting with Scott. I thought I'd give it a go at Patrick's suggestion. I did a very rough assembly that clicks in at over 10 mins., but it was good for me. The first step is the assembly, and that's just cutting out all the crap and leaving all of the potentially good stuff in.

I worked a little on my goals as well...just the planning part...the financial goal. Trying to think about paying us first...that is, socking away 10% of everything we make before paying any bills. It's a really good habit to get into. Still working on our budget, which is a challenge because we don't have any income as of yet. It's weird...it's like I have to think about how much it will take for us to live in London and then figure out how to make that figure monthly. I guess we could live more cheaply if we moved out of zone 1, but central is our home. And, with my NOLA home gone, I just want to be in a place where I feel comfortable.

Trying to find flats on the Internet. Can't rely on Adam. He's working flat out and doesn't have time to look at places.

I'm going to cut more stuff myself...particularily the interviews. The best way is to transcribe, log what is good and then do a rough assembly...like I did with Scott's interview.

Two new investors. It's a Godsend. But after these two, we'll only have £6000 left in the initial budget to raise. Can I finsih the film with £6000? Maybe. But, it's gonna take a lot of work...a lot of begging. Maybe do something with sweat equity.

If Patrick could just get one good gig a month, we could live off of that. But, he's been trying for over a year to break in, and he only started getting good gigs right before he left. Now, he may have to start all over again.

Haven't had a shower in days. This could end up being the best day of my life.

Put everything into little boxes...

Finished transcribing Scott's interview yesterday. That was it. I was in a mood all day. Patrick cut the singing sequence where Dave and Hiromi are practicing for the new band that Dave wants to create with him and his fiance. I'm going to cut the first meeting with Scott...look for the cinematic elements.

I wonder...I wonder...I wonder if I can get the assembly done by the end of December. That's another three months. If I can get all of the sequences cut by ...hold on there. We've cut 43 sequences...8 weeks...that's 5 sequences per week. But, when we go back, we won't be free all of the time...so expect maybe 3 sequences a week...anyway. I should work it all out scientific-like so it's a realistic schedule to work from, but that's so depressing because at this rate, I'll be cutting for the rest of my bloody life. But, that's one of the important steps of goal setting....know where you are and know what needs to be done between now and when you want to accomplish your goal. But sometimes I feel really overwhelmed. There's all the creative stuff, and then there's the day to day crap like budgeting and money and just plain planning one's own life. It can be overwhelming.

I remember Brad Bartz, my old boss at IAC. He told me to put everything in little boxes in my head and only open one box at a time. I'm dividing them up into departments. There's the admin department, the creative department, the development department. There's the CEO. there's the personal assistant. There's the Chef, the physical trainer, the finance officer. And we're working together to run the industry that is me. I've just opened a new division...the publishing division which will try to get myself published in England. My personal assistant (me) is finding me a flat. Maybe I can use her to help me cope.

Booked the boat to go back on the 19th/20th.
Had a nice walk in the forest.

I was really testy yesterday...not thankful at all. The thing is, if I manage to just get up in the morning, then I should be thankful. And, then I get to write for an hour! That's even better. And then there's coffee and buns! And there's Tokyo Cowboys...even better.

Scott, JJ and Dave...the guys. I know the story, but how does it relate to the greater story of finding freedom on the post modern urban frontier? There's the control issue.

I've lost myself again.

Giving Patrick the Day Off

Couldn't really work yesterday. That's not so true. I transcribed part of Scott's first interview...about an hour's worth of the three hour interview. What was I thinking? I had planned to do some planning for Nice Guyjin, but it just wasn't coming. I had a lack of immagination. And now Patrick is asking me "what are we gonna cut today?" Big Momma's House? Scott's interview? But I haven't even gone through the footage yet. It's all part of the process...all part of it. Just calm the fuck down.

I can look at the footage again today. Maybe give Patrick another day off to work on "Daybreak." And just finish the Scott footage. Then I can have more of a hand in it. Just see how that works. Slow it down just a bit. And write. I should write, yes? Everything is going to work out for the best. It always does. Yes sir, it does. So, what about Scott? What about Nice Guyjin? What about the film...the story?

I went to find Cowboys on the post modern urban frontier. I went to find freedom. I heard...I thought they had a monopoly on freedom. But what was that? I was discovering that there was no one definition. There were as many definitions of freedom as there were people. So, I went through their mini-narratives trying to define it for myself...trying to find my own mini-narrative. I could pick and choose from theirs. What did I discover? Just that...there is no one definition of freedom. You can't define it universally. There is no Truth with a capital "T."

It's a personal story, sure. It's a journey back to Tokyo. But what is my relationship with Tokyo, and what new things do these characters show me about Tokyo...about the post-modern urban frontier? I hated Tokyo. I was reluctant to go back. But, there was something calling me back. Tokyo is calling me back. She'd been calling me back since the moment I left..."no, that's not the way it is. You've got it all wrong. I'm not the city of broken dreams. I am the city that fulfills dreams." So I went back because I had to. It just wouldn't let go. I thought I'd had it bad...that all of this freedom and opportunity had been the death of me. That it was all just too much.

But, the guys...the cowboys...they seemed to be able to handle it. They seemed to embrace it. And, there's something about control that Patrick and I were talking about yesterday.

Anyway, cutting today...I think I might wait. Give Patrick the day off.

Struggle vs. Fun

Getting more and more anxious about getting back to London. It looks like the flatmate won't be able to find a place on his own. Too busy with work, and he can only look at places on the weekend. Estate agents aren't open on weekends, so, we're a bit effed.

I was thinking yesterday about struggle. It doesn't have to be a struggle. It can be fun. It's only a choice...or so they say. But, remember this? Remember Christmas morning when you were a kid? Remember Christmas Eve and hardly being able to sleep? Ah, but there's no presents, you say. There's this other thing that my step bros used to do in the middle of muggy southern Louisiana summers. We'd go out into the garage and partition ourselves off from each other. Then we'd wrap stuff up in newspaper and make ribbons out of whatever was available. Then we'd give each other the presents. After opening our presents and saying thank you, we'd do it all over again. It didn't matter that they were wrapped in newspaper or that the present was an old rusty wrench (or spanner for you brits). It was almost just like Christmas. Almost.

I must do something with all of the anger and disappointment. And that something is in my films. It's in my writing. It's what gives me a voice.

Today is planning day. Nice Guyjin and Dave. When I first met them, I was really fed up with the headhunters. They seemed like a breath of fresh air. They seemd like they had something that the HHs didn't have. They were engaging. They were on top of the world. They were gonna sell a million records. We were swept up in it all. I was swept up. I just wanted to spend all my time with them. They made me feel...they made me love Japan again. They made me remember how much fun it could be. They hadn't grown up. Dave even said he felt like an 8 year old. They hadn't become serious about anything. The HHs were damned serious. Was it the money? Was it the fact that if they let their concentration slep for one minute, they might lose a couple of million (yen, that is). It was the performer/businessman dichotomy I guess. They could be crazy because they were performers. But Ken was having fun with the HH stuff. Getting confused now.

OK, when I met Scott, he was like a breath of fresh air. I met Scott through Bryan. Do I have to show Bryan? Anyway, I met Scott. And he was preaching this new kind of freedom: "Mainichi Nichiyobi" (everyday Sunday). I wanted to believe. I really wanted to, but something was bothering me. These guys were set up becaouse of Big Momma. They had a studio in their swank house in the Senju. They were very thankful to their patron, but they had a patron. It at least gives one pause. There was this other thing. The spirit of independence. They wanted to be on their own. They wanted to break from the system...the Japanese system. The music label they had been under was too restrictive. And, another thing...independence...

The Dark Side

Patrick is saying the way to increase the power of the film is to make it highly personal. I agree. But, I must be conscious to avoid self-indulgence. Thinking about my relationship with Tokyo. When I left there in 2000, I thought I'd never go back. Tokyo, I thought, had been responsible for everything that had gone wrong in my life. I had gone crazy in Tokyo. I had lost myself. But there was something...it was part of me. It had changed me...given me super hero powers. I needed to go back to recharge and to find something.

I knew these guys in Tokyo. They had lots of money...they had nice pads. I thought they had a monopoly on freedom. And so did they. But, the definition of freedom kept changing. It was as elusive as Tokyo herself. At first I thought that freedom was having a lot of money. I asked these guys "does money buy freedom?" And they all agreed that money did indeed buy freedom because it allowed you to do what you wanted when you wanted. You could, for example, "buy yourself into TV" according to Ken. You could buy a little island and have concubines. So, I thought the headhunting cowboys had freedom because they had a lot of money. They rode around Tokyo in flash cars, and they had rolexes and beautiful women. But they didn't seem free. They seemed enslaved by the job. And, as much as they talked about how exciting making the deal was, it was all tied up in the money. They wouldn't be doing the job if it weren't for the money. And most of them...all they wanted to do was cash out. Or, like Jason, they had to "trick" themselves into believing it was fun.

I'm looking for cowboys on the post modern urban frontier. Here's the story: I go there to look for cowboys--men who are free. And burning through an array of characters, I discover what true freedom is, and I discover what it is to be a cowboy.

Mini-narratives
Individual Modes of Expression

What did I discover about freedom on the post modern urban frontier? Freedom is in your head. It's mental. Just like the rough is mental. And the cowboys were each communicating their own brand of truth about freedom.

Still missing something. What's the feeling there? You feel like anything's possible. And, if anything is possible because you've seen it and you've talked to people in the pub who've achieved it, then you take more risks to achieve your anything. You might as well live out your wildest fantasies because it is possible and no one will judge you for it. Now that's freedom. But, there's always a dark side. Don't forget the dark side.

In the end, Tokyo called me back home like the siren she is. There's food and sake and women. There's broadband internet and video messaging and beer machines. It's safe and it's clean and you can have oodles of fun. Everyone's nice, and you can earn wads of cash just because you happen to be a native English speaker. And, yes, there's a dark side. It is, after all, the land of the rising sun so the darkness will always be there behind the sun. But you don't have to look at it because the darkness is within you and so is the light.

I guess the worst thing

...was that I learned about it on the website...not getting the JUSFC grant, that is. The letter was en route from LFS, but I thought I'd check out the website to see if there was any news. They had posted the awardees, and the TC name was not on the list. I suppose I'm disappointed. But, not too much. It was a long shot anyway. The letter stated the reasons: funding restrictions and committment to other projects. I may apply again in the Spring with a lower budget.

As we know, one door closes and another one opens. I'm looking for that open door now. I've been repeating my new mantra "the rough is only mental." It helps.

Pre-occupied with finding a flat. We've decided that if Adam finds a place, we'll move back within two weeks instead of staying until the end of October. We're both hankering to get back to London and immerse ourselves in the thick of things.

40 years old, and I don't feel as if I've found the road yet. But, patience my dear. A lot of times we're on the road, and we don't even realize it. I have the stamina to take the long and winding road. Just keep cutting, keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

I'm concerned about going back to work at the film school. I love the job. I love the people. But, it takes time away from Tokyo Cowboys. So, I'll just have to get better at managing my energy. Write in the early mornings, Film School Job during the day, cut at night.

Finding the Good Poo

Praise the Lord! The patron is gonna come through! He promised to send us money next week. That's part of our problems solved.

Again, spent the day going over loads of footage while Patrick cut the Telephone English sequence with Dave and Cloudy. He's going to cut the BBQ party today. That's when Cloudy's BBQ set the roof on fire and the police and fire brigade came. He also burned to a crisp one of his prized surfboards. A little concerned about this sequence. There are some great shots particularly when one of the Japanese girls set her hair on fire letting off a bottle rocket and Cloudy shooting fire works out of one of his mate's butts. But the music was playing the whole time: Led Zeppelin and Rolling Stones. Can't afford those music rights (especially the Stones who are said to charge upwards of 1 million US dollars for a snippet of their music.

Extremely tired today. Worried about finding a flat. Worried about money. Worried that the film is going to be crap. But, that's just stupid. The film's gonna be great. But, it's all down to me now. The writing is what's going to tie it all together...create drama...make poetry. Haven't been able to write for days. But, that's not really true, either. I write every morning for an hour or two. And I write here. But, nothing for the film. I know this happens. I know that you write and write and you have nothing. Then, all of a sudden, you get pages and pages of good stuff. I've never had writer's block. I've have writer's diarrhea. It's finding the good poo in all the diarrhea that's the challenge for me.

Been working on goals. Thinking about my 5 year goals and my 10 year goals. One of my 10 year goals is to become an industry...like Martha Stewart or Elle Macpherson...employing family and friends alike...supporting them. I'll be 50 then.

Do Not Fear

Did loads of footage review yesterday. I asked Cloudy about why foreigners were so successful in Tokyo. It seems like everyone we meet is successful, I said. He said that there were more markets to exploit. I was thinking about this just the other day. What markets could I exploit in London. It was easy in Tokyo.

Spoke to Shirley at LFS yesterday. She said there was loads of work for me to do there, so I'm gonna get the PT job back when I go back to the UK. I am thankful for that. It will at least help us pay the rent.

Waiting for two investments to come through, and waiting for word from our Patron. If those and the deposit come back, we can make it to the end of January. If not...well, just don't want to really think about that. Just one break...if we could get this grant, we could be so finished by summer of next year. But, hope is waning. I have to be realistic. Had they awarded us the grant, we would have heard from them by now surely. And, if not from them then from our fiscal sponsor.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Can't remember if it was Kennedy or Roosevelt who said that, and I'm too lazy to look it up. But, I've been contemplating that. Is the fear the thing which causes failure? Fear is the thing that can crush our dreams. Fear can make us do some really stupid things. And so I say to myself...DO NOT FEAR DANEETA. Or, turn fear into excitement. They have the same physical sensation...quickening of the heart, shortness of breath, the need to pee. Feel excited not fearful. And, I've got a new day ahead of me...a new day...Oh Brave New World!

Wheat and Chaff

Got one step closer to getting the deposit back from the landlord. That gets us one step closer to getting back to London. Money...I was obsessing about it yesterday. How did money become something as important as food or air? This stupid piece of colored paper. Yet, you won't last long without it. Look at the bums in the street and the starving kids in Africa.

Contacted 30 Real Estate agents today about flats in London. Both Patrick and I are dead set on moving back to Covent Garden/Holborn area. Our friends think we are insane, and I come up with all of these excuses about why we want to move back to Central: but lookit, in the end, it's our home. And, after being homeless for 2 months out in Swederland and losing my New Orleans home, I just want to be in my adopted home of central London. My other trump card, though, is that I'm lucky with flats. I always have been. I'm dreaming about a warehouse, but that might be going just a bit too far. Should I mention that I dreamed about my other two flats in London before I found them? Kind of spooky.

Looked through loads of footage again. Just trying to separate the wheat from the chaff. Patrick is cutting like mad. Here are the Cloudy sequences we've cut so far:

Cloudy at the Arcade
Mobile Montage
Teaching at the Handicapped School
Comedy Gig at the Fiddler
World Family Show
Private English Lesson with Balloon Kids

Still no word about the grant. Lesley says it hasn't even come to the film school yet. I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm a bit scared. If we don't get the grant, how will we continue? Do we just continue like we have been? Work at odd jobs until we save up enough money to have a 3 month stint somewhere to edit? At that rate, this thing...this monster...this effing beast will take another two or three years. I must find another way. I must finish this thing. I must!

The Plan

Strange dreams last night about looking for flats and trying to get my job back at LFS.

Went into town on Friday and spent the evening with Frederick and Jacob. They were nice and asked a lot about the project, but I somehow think that they just don't get us. I think it's the problem that most people have with what we do and was so succinctly expressed by my Mother's husband: "why don't you get a job?" By that, he meant a job that has a regular income where you pay into a social security scheme, etc. Yeah. A job. I've tried that a bazillion times. It's just not for me. I'm too stubborn, and I don't plan on changing.

Grocery shopping on Saturday, and Karin took us to the University so that I could use the broadband Internet connection to research grants and other ways to make money...namely publishing. When I was in Japan, I was publishing sometimes 5-6 times a month. I haven't done anything since then, and I am itching to do it. Poetry seems to be big these days...some publications are ONLY accepting poetry. So, I dusted off the old poetry bone and popped out a few. It's interesting how my poetry changes in tone as my life passes before my very eyes.

Get money to finish this f*cker. Where can I get money to finish Tokyo Cowboys? That's the question...the one big question. I need a plan...need a plan.

Gambaru

Joe and Sylvie are coming by today to pick mushrooms and then take us into town to stay with Karin for the night. I'm hoping to get a few hours of Internet research in as well...looking for grants...looking for money. I'm tired of looking for money. Why can't a butt load just drop into my lap so that I can get this thing finished.

Went through a butt load of footage. My head is a little frazzled from it all.

Patrick is looking forward to getting back to London. He's tired of the vagabond lifestyle. He wants to settle. I guess I do too. But, how? Our patron has promised to send money at the end of the month. That would sort out our return home. Sitting on pins and needles. Don't want to beg, don't want to mention it. Hoping that the patron will just do it. Just remember us.

My sleep was erratic last night. Even prayer would not help. It usually does as the source of my insomnia is generally worry. I was thinking about Tokyo and with what ease one can make money there. There is always a way to make money...at the very least, one can teach English for £50 and hour. I could make good money there doing little part time jobs...then save the bulk of my time for the non paid things that I love. Not so in London. In London, I struggle...we struggle. I must find a new word for "struggle." I'm trying to change all of this negative language to positive. Consider the Lilies of the filed...they shall not toil. We don't struggle, we persevere...we gambaru.

3 Dimensional Puzzle

Hopefully the JUSFC grant results will hit LFS today. At the very latest, next week. I don't want to think about what will happen if we don't get it. I don't have to have bad thoughts...satan get behind me. We started cutting Cloudy yesterday. I went through the first 20 or so tapes from the 3rd trip. It's like time-tripping in fast-mo. If I let myself go, I can almost imagine myself back there at that time, in that place. Looking for the true stories of the Tokyo Cowboys on the post-modern urban frontier. Why post-modern? It's a constructed city. It's a mixture of everything the world has to offer. It's like a collage...a mosaic. Look at it from above...from the 44th floor of the Shinjuku Municipal Building...it's like a 3 dimensional puzzle.

Here's the journey: I went to back to the post-modern urban frontier to find cowboys...to find if they had a monopoly on freedom as I had assumed. But all they wanted to do was cash out. And, this didn't seem like a freedom train to me. It seemed like doing time. So, I kept looking, kept digging. Where were the free cowboys? What is freedom? It seemed like Tokyo was the place to have it. As Cloudy says, there are markets in Tokyo that are not available in any other place. I found the guy who could cash out, and what does he do? He buys an old farmhouse in Chiba and does it up. That place looked like heaven to me.

I'm preoccupied with trying to get back to London. We've got some good work done here, but we have to leave by the end of October. Before we can leave, we have to find a flat. So, I've been e-hunting. That takes time...time...time.

Cloudy had been through the whole "Big in Japan" thing. He'd been on the 100 Gaijin Show. He'd done the music video. But something happened. "A lot of people think they have a cash cow with me...until they realize that I'm not gonna do anything I don't want to do." So, Cloudy refused to conform. He's now intent on making it "Big in Japan" one person at a time. He's an edu-tainer. He's a sort of diplomat...an unofficial one.

I guess that's what we all were. The Japanese allowed us in in that capacity. In the beginning it was only diplomats and English teachers...whole generations of Japanese people...the only foreigner they had met was their English teacher. In a weird way, it sets people up...it sets gaijin up as sensei...as teacher. In Japan that's a highly honorable profession. So, here's Cloudy...he has a teaching certificate (unlike most of the English teachers in Japan). And everything is about communication...one person at a time. He's trying to foster a greater level of understanding between gaijin and Japanese. The comedy is a more sophisticated form of communication. He's constantly communicating. He doesn't just sit down in the train. The hammock...Eric...the hair...those are just tools of the trade...the trade of communication. And the performance is a high as well.

Where does Cloudy come in to my quest for cowboys? What are cowboys for me? That's the first thing. When I started shooting, it was about freedom. I thought money bought freedom, so I was shooting the Head Hunters. Maybe it does buy freedom. But, if you've got some money, you just spend it. You get a taste of the good life and you want more...so you work harder, and you make more money, and you're working so hard that you think you deserve some comfort, so you spend some more and then you're no closer to your goal. Something's gotta give. That's the Head Hunters, though.

Maybe freedom is a state of mind. It's like Kanya said, it's in your head...freedom and slavery are in your head.

Eye of the Cloud

Hey Cloudy,

Sorry it's been a while since I've sent you a personal email.

You've been on my mind so much these past few days. I've been time tripping through the Tokyo Cowboys footage. The first night we filmed you was at the Fiddler. After, we got in a taxi with you and Kaori, and you talked about communicating your own brand of truth to one person at a time. The "America" thing was your crusade that night. You said, "In Japan, there are only two types of people in the world...Gaijin (read American) and Japanese. I refuse to be put in a box with all the other foreigners."

It got me thinking about the definition of Cowboy, which I must surely define in the film as people have their own definitions. A Cowboy for me is a person that takes great risks to develop and explore their individual mode of expression. And, then, they communicate to the world their own personal brand of truth.

Anyway, after we got back to your place and Billy was there and his date Makikiko or Michiko and the chubby blonde midwestern girl who'd done her set at Fiddler that night. And, being the professional that I am, I got so wasted that Kaori was saying "are you OK, are you OK?" as I was trying to leave, and you were yelling "leave her alone, she's fine," and that was my introduction to Cloudy B.

But there is an earlier bit that I just discovered while rolling through the footage again. We were at Club Asia in Shibuya shooting a TBL gig. It was small, and there were only about 15 young girl groupies and a handful of Gaijin. As we pan across the groupie crowd, you can see in the background a tiny Cloudy giving the camera the finger. This is before we met you. It was on that night that Patrick noticed you and, acting here in his producer mode, asked Dave "Who's that guy," and Dave said, "That's Cloudy B.," and Patrick said "Can we meet him?" And that's the true story about how things kicked off.

If we get that grant money, we are going to take you up on your offer to continue the edit at your place. So get our room ready. We'll need futons and a Japanese intern.

Hugs so much,

Daneeta

Publicity for TC in Kazuhisa's Book

Dear Kaz,

Thanks for the introduction to the magazine publisher. Yes, it's good to know people in Tokyo anyway...especially female creative types.

Actually, I'm not in London at the moment. I've been in Sweden for the past month and a half editing full time. One of our patrons gave us their summer house for three months. It's been great as we can edit without having to worry about paying rent. I think we will be here until the beginning of November when we will head back to London for a little while.

Yes, thanks for publicizing my film in your book! I googled Tokyo Cowboys the other day, and your website came up (http://www.kinjudo.com/shoseki_oishiku.htm).

Hugs,

Daneeta