The drama, the drama.

14 August

I forgot to mention that yesterday was a bit emotional. I went through the whole "I haven't accomplished anything in these 40 years" drama. I cried. I looked at my face, searching for new wrinkles...searching for age...or else, searching for that 16-year old girl who was filled with hope knowing that she would just get out of this place if it was the last thing she ever did. I was just feeling sorry for myself and had to slap myself around a bit and remind myself of a few things.

It's the money I think. I'm 40 and I have no money. I guess I have no debt either, which sort of makes me a non person...no money, no debt, no record of me anywhere. It's a bit weird. My family think I'm a hippy. Not so sure about that. I don't like the term struggling artist...free agent maybe...freedom's just another word for...

I reckon if we can get the JUSFC grant, Robert's gig in Thailand, our deposit back from the flat and a bit of promised cash from one of our patrons, we might just be able to finish this film and make it through half of next year. Now that would be a string of miracles indeed.