Watching the Cut

Set up the DVD player here and watched the cut all the way through. I'll be watching it everyday while I'm here. Last night I did some stream of consciousness writing about the nature of the relationship between Japanese Woman and Gaijin Man. Some weird stuff came out of that, and I'm still thinking about whether I'm going to post it or not.

Actually, watching the cut was good. I saw where it could be improved. Still, there is no ending, and this is worrying me. I want to have a cut we can show to people by the end of this month, and still no ending. I can't show a cut to people if it has no ending.

My mentor says to meditate upon it and the ending will come to me. So, here I am...meditating and dreaming and thinking.

The Importance of Thinking

We arrived in Sweden last night under the cover of darkness. Patrick is here to shoot a music video for Kirmann, and I'm here to "think" about Tokyo Cowboys. I've brought a bunch of blank paper and the DVD of the "first cut." (I call it a first cut, but I think it's much further than that. It's the first cut that we're going to show to people.)

As Gören drove us back to Askersund,
we all sat mostly in silence, and I let my mind wander into a dream about Tokyo Cowboys. It was the first "quite time" I've had in I-don't-know-when, and this is good.

Today, I went out with Patrick while he shot. Mostly I just held the extra camera for him and thought some more. It is so quiet here...I've forgotton how quiet.

Monday, Monday...

Worked a little on voice over for Mark yesterday, but nothing was forthcoming. Just got an email from Shuri, one of my girl mates from Tokyo. Well, I knew her in Tokyo, but she hooked up with a Swiss dude and moved to Switzerland a few years back. Anyway, she was doing some research on MHS and saw that he is now in charge of membership at the American Club. Wow. Small world.

Today, I was working at the day job so didn't get much done on TC. That always depresses me a bit...not because it's a bad gig, it's just not what I want to be doing with my days. Patrick ripped a copy of the whole cut for me to take to Sweden. Awesome.

A Tokyo Story

Tokyo...flipping 5 a.m. We start on the trains so that we can record the Tokyo squash...millions of people trying to cram into a tiny cars...sardines. Only these aren't the commuters. They come later. These are the party people catching the first train home.

From here we cross the length of the city three times to chase up our characters, stopping on the way to shoot impressions of Tokyo. No lunch. It's genki drinks and a.m./p.m. onigiri with a side of ebi flavored crisps.

9 p.m. and we haven't stopped. We're meeting with a potential investor and his rich wife. Maybe they will give us £500. Maybe £4000. You never know. We spend hours...obsequious, just this side of begging. OK. I beg. They say they still need time to think about it. Goodbye, they say. Our flat is just around the corner.

Emerging from the smoke-filled bar, I realize that it is past last train. It is Friday night in Azabujuuban. Getting a taxi is difficult enough for the locals, but, for foreigners like us, it is impossible. Well-dressed Japanese couples line the street, waving their hands in the air. Mr. Taxi-man is not stopping.

"Let's walk a ways," I say to Patrick. "After we clear the crowd, maybe we'll get lucky."

We walk up Gaien Nishi Dori...all the way to the Haagen Dazs shop. Couples still line the streets, and it is 1 a.m. We stop off at a favorite izakaya of mine on Aoyama Dori. It is shit. I realize this is the first time I've been here sober. Food has a different quality when you've been drinking.

We start our walk again, turning right on Omotesando Dori. We are carrying all of our equipment, lights, camera, tripod. It starts to snow. We walk all the way up Omotesando Dori...pass Harajuku Eki, pass Yoyogi Koen...to the corner at the top of the park (is it Komazawa Kosaten?).

Finally we make it to Sandra's house. It is 2 a.m. when we stumble in. And, even though she needs to be up for work in 4 hours, she makes us tea and asks us how shooting has gone.

As I drink my tea, and warm my toes, I think about filmmaking. It is my absolute favorite thing to do, and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why.

Mark Segerlund

Looking for an ending, so we looked at Mark Segerlund footage today. Mark is one of those guys who really believes in all of that positive attitude, life-is-beautiful gris gris. Some people might think that, well yes, he does have a wonderful life, so it's easy to believe in that kind of stuff. But, I think that his life is so wonderful because of his Pollyanna philosophy. Personally, I'd rather people running around thinking that they can use their imaginations to make the world a more beautiful place than people running around bombing the shit out of each other. What an utter lack of imagination. But, anyway, that's another story.

The structure is coming together. It all hinges on Ken's story arc inter cut with a collage of other cowboy stories. It seems to work, but we are just so close to it now. We're pushing to have a first cut before we leave for Sweden on Wednesday. Then, I'll hand it out to a group of viewers and see what they think.

The Dreaded World of English Teaching

I know I'm going to get shit about uploading this draft of the voice over about English teaching. But just remember, everything is out of context. Hopefully it will make perfect sense within the context of the film.

Very Close

OH HAPPY DAY!!! It works. PJ intercut all of the stories yesterday, and the cut works. There are several areas that need to be ironed out, but, jumping juniper, it works!

We watched the whole thing, which clocks in at 1 hour 38 minutes. I've made a list of the next steps:

Write Voice Over about English Teaching
Write Voice Over introducing Mark
Review Nice Guyjin Interviews
Review the Securities company bits (Ken)

Then PJ cuts it all in, and presto, a first cut.

We are very, very close. I'm hoping to get it done before going to Sweden on the 14th (which was our goal!).

Fresh Start

Today was a big, big day for Tokyo Cowboys. While I was at the day job, PJ was cutting...but not just any cutting...he was intercutting. Now, we've got all of the characters on the timeline for the first cut. I haven't seen it yet, but PJ seems quite chuffed with himself. It's late now, so I'm going to sleep with visions of Tokyo Cowboys in my head and start fresh tomorrow.

Just Checking it Out

PJ suggested we take a look at some of the smaller characters...see if there is something there. Today, I was re-visiting Nick's footage. Nothing yet...but I really like the Christmas stuff with him. PJ continues to cut.

As an aside, Jason Ayers called today. It was good to talk to him. I am so grateful to him. He was one of the people who was instrumental in helping us get this project off the ground from the very beginning. Jason is doing freelance stuff and trying to get his own film career off the ground. He's also still got his hand in Head Hunting, and as always, he's in with the creatives.

Hoping and wishing and praying and scheming

Watched the cut of Mark today. It's good...really good. Just 10 minutes long. PJ thinks we need voice over from me at one point, so I've been trying to scratch it out of my head today. Nothing is coming, though. I know from experience that you can't rush these things. I just have to keep the faith, get to the page, as they say, and hope for the best.

Ta daaaaa...

Got the upgrade yesterday. Swapped the computers around, so now we're rockin'.

Here's PJ's new work space:

Our bed is actually on top of this workspace. We call it the "Treehouse." You can see Hot Rod under the keyboard on the left.

Here you can see all of the hard drives and the bang up job I've done with the cableing. I predict that it will all be smooth sailing from here on out. At least that's what my mentor has been telling me.

Vision Quest

My mentor has been telling me to visualize success and that this will help me to finish the film. I have been struggling. What do I visualize? Walking up on a stage to get an award? Lights coming up and people clapping? Signing a contract?

When I think about the success of the film, I visualize a person coming out of the cinema into the sunlight, disoriented and thinking "what a strange trip...what a dream I had." I want Tokyo and the Cowboys to stay with them so that, at odd moments and for a very long time, they might feel nostalgic and think "I miss this and that about Tokyo or Ken or Mark" even though they've never physically been to that place or met those people. I guess that's as good as it gets in terms of success. But I will try to also think about the awards and clapping and contracts. A girl's gotta eat.

Distilling the Journey

Reviewed the Ken cut with P.J. today. I'm happy with it, but enough of Ken. We need to move on. P.J. spent the day working on Mark, and I spent the day reviewing Cloudy's transcripts (all 60 pages of them...I didn't realize there was so much). I was looking for quotes, for that is the stage at which we are at the moment. I'm looking for cowboy poetry to put over sequences. I'm still trying to figure out where to fit Cloudy in. But I keep reminding myself that it's the journey I want the audience to feel. The film is a distillation of the journey. I know it's a lot to ask for, but can the film take them to Tokyo? In that dark cinema, will they hear it, feel it, smell it?

Drama

I watched the whole Ken cut today. It's very minimal, and it gives us our narrative, however loose. I was reminded of Hitchcock's quote: "Drama is like life with the boreing bits left out." This is still not the first cut. Ken provides the narrative, now we have to add the collage. That's where the other guys fit in.

Justice

Apple is going to reimburse us for the upgrade of FCP, which is great. So, now we wait. But, as we do, PJ can still be cutting on the old machine.

Apple's Response

I fell like I'm getting further away from the project. It's not all about editing. It's about fixing crashed harddrives and upgrading software. I remember editing at LFS. We did everything on film, and I'm beginning to long for those days.

Called Apple. They were all very nice, and I managed to convince someone to help me...plead my case to the powers that be who can give me a free upgrade. I'm supposed to hear back from them on Monday. Until then, I have to re-connect Bambi so that Patrick can get on with the editing.

The Long Goodbye

Spent the entire day setting up Hot Rod. Re positioned the hard drives, moved Bambi into the kitchen and started to set up the Internet. After several calls to both Tiscali and Apple support, I found out that our free modem from Tiscali is not supported by this Hot Rod. Soooo, had to run over to Maplin on the Strand and fork out £50 on an Ethernet modem. I was thankful, though. Maplin is a 5 minute walk from my flat*.

Anyway, got the modem set up, downloaded all of the updates and got myself ready to install Final Cut Pro 4.0. It didn't work. Hot Rod does not support 4.0 I was told by the tech dude at Apple. I was very upset because my sales agent had promised me that the computer would indeed support my version of Final Cut Pro when I purchased this £1700 hot rockin' computer. By this time, however, all of the sales agents had gone home, so three was no one to complain to.

I'm calling Apple tomorrow to throw myself upon the mercy of anyone who will listen to my woeful story.

*I was reminded of buying my first computer in Buzen, Japan in 1993. We had to get the computer on an American base. Got home, set everything up only to discover that the printer cable was not included. We had to travel 20 minutes to the next town to order one.

Hot Rocking Rod

My Little Office in the Kitchen
The new computer arrived today...a MacPro Xeon with two, count 'em, two Intel dual processors. We've decided to christen the new Machine "Hot Rod." He's come to us just at the right time, as Bambi (a first generation single processor G4) is really straining under the pressure of all of the hard drives. Sometimes we have to restart her two and three times to get her going.

Bambi is not obsolete, however. She will move to my little office in the kitchen, and Hot Rod will take over in our bedroom/editing suite.

Dreaming with Ken

Spent the day looking for Ken voice over to fit over the New Years sequence. I watched the cut up to this sequence, which ends at 38 minutes, and I was really pleased with it. Ken is just so funny and human, and I think his character will form a bond with both an English-speaking audience and the Japanese. I allowed myself a daydream of grandeur. Maybe Tokyo Cowboys will give Ken what he dreamed of. Maybe it will make him recognizable to 50% of the Japanese viewing audience. Then I came back to Earth. It's good to dream. Ken reminds me of that.

PJ and I are doing the old one-two punch technique of editing. When I feel like I'm not doing enough on Tokyo Cowboys, I have to remember that he's cutting. And, when he's not cutting, I'm looking at the footage, thinking and figuring out where to go to next. I think we are well on the way of having the first cut by mid February.

Diary for Today

Wading through Words

Spent the morning pouring over transcripts...mostly Ken's. I feel like a detective looking for clues...clues to the story. Tomorrow PJ and I will go over some of the clues I've picked out and start cutting them into the film. It's shaping up. All I have to do now is make it to the computer every day.

Frustrating

This morning, after berating myself in my journal for pages about not being further along on Tokyo Cowboys, I came to the conclusion that I have director's block. I have always prided myself over never having had writer's block. I don't believe in it. If you can't write anything, it just means that you need to do more research. And research is part of the writing process. But, directing...that's a whole new kettle of fish. So, I've been blocked...afraid...not knowing what to do or where to turn.

I decided that I would do two hours of Tokyo Cowboys today no matter what. Only two hours because I was working a full day at the day job. Add to that shopping for dinner, cooking and cleaning, and I've already put in 10 hours of work before even sitting down to Cowboys.

So, I got home, announced to Patrick that I was on a tight schedule and booted him off the computer. I got through three minutes of the cut before the computer crashed. It took me 20 minutes to coax it into allowing me to watch the cut again. It's 56 minutes long. I reckon, we'll have another hour once we finish the first cut, which I hope to do by 15 February. I made notes about where to intercut the other characters (this cut only focuses on Ken) and where to search for Voice Over. So, tomorrow, after another 10 hours at the day job and life's essentials, I'll start looking for voice over. That means reviewing hours and hours of transcripts.

But, I will finish this flipping film. And I will finish it by Spring. And it will be good.

On a more positive note, we got the loan check today for the new computer. I'm going to order it as soon as the check clears. Maybe that will help us to move faster.

Loan Request

Just sent in the loan request, so we should be getting a check soon for the computer. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. Still trying to find the balance between finishing the film and making enough money to pay the rent. I suppose this is the case for a lot of people like me who want to live their dream but who don't have rich patrons. The problem is that, after working all day, I'm usually too tired to do any work on the film. But, today is the last day at the day job before Christmas break, and I've got a bit more than two weeks left before we got to NOLA, so there's an opportunity in there somewhere. Opportunities everywhere.

Wha-hooo

Just got email from SSB. They are gonna do it! They are going to loan us the money (interest free) to buy the new suite. Oh happy day, oh happy day. I am filled with gratitude to the great power.

My Space

Been investigating Myspace at the urging of my niece, the technocrati Dominique Elizabeth Thompson. "It's only the place for all the cool people, Nene. So, if you want your film to be cool, then myspace it." So, OK. I've gone on, gotten myself an account and uploaded some stuff. I must say that I'm a little bit addicted now.

No news from SSB about the loan for the new editing suite, but no news is good news as they say. There might be another option: a Natwest Credit Card (0% interest on the first 9 months). I don't see why they won't give me one as they have given me an obnoxious amound of "credit" on my overdraft.

Credit Hell

Against my better judgement, I applied for one of those no interest for 12 months of new purchases credit cards. I don't like credit...believe it is the spawn of Satan. But, the need for the new editing suite has caused me to consider selling my soul. Anyway, the angels protected me because I was turned down. It's insane that after 6 years of living here and with the same bank, I still cannot establish credit. Called the bank, and they will loan me the money, but the interest would amount to nearly £500. Are they having a laugh? I can get a better interest rate from a loan shark. So, my next plan is to borrow it from work. I've emailed SSB to see if she will consider it.

Other than that, I'm praying for this big gig through Spencer. If we get it, we'll be able to pay for the computer outright and have some left over for Christmas. Don't want to get too excited about it, though. These are times in which we must get in touch with our pragmatic selves.

Speaking of Spencer, PJ showed him the clip from Tokyo Cowboys on his iPod. He was really impressed and wants to use some of the TC footage to pitch the big gig.

That is all.

Even when I think Nothing is Happening

Was really depressed yesterday. I meant to write the intro to Ken voice over, but...worked up at the school all day. Then came home and tried to do a load of laundry while cooking. The washer spewed out a load of water so that I was standing in 1 inch of it while cooking on an electric cooker. Turned off the electricity, cleaned up the mess, finished off the laundry in the bath (don't try this at home), then finished dinner. By the time I finished eating it was 10 p.m., and I was in no condition to write. Just when I thought all hope was lost, Patrick said "have a look at what I edited today while you were at school." It was brilliant. We also decided to carry on with the edit before writing any more of my voice over. I'll save that for last.

Also applied for several credit cards on line. These are supposed to be 0% interest on new purchases for 12 months. If I can get one, we are going to buy a new system...the MacPro. It will scream.

New System

Had a look at the Nice Guyjin stuff that PJ cut. Also thinking about Ken's introduction V.O. I've been thinking more about a dialogue between my voice over and the cowboy voice over. Will spend some time tonight working on the intro vo for Ken. Things are moving along, but wish I could build up more momentum.

Thinking about getting a credit card to buy a new editing suite. This is against everything that I've come to believe about finance. But, we need a new system. It's either that or sell some of our sweat equity, and I just don't think I can bare going back to selling shares. It takes so much time, and I hate, hate, hate it. Begging for money...I think this will be my reality for the next few years at least.

Technical Hell

Spent the whole morning trying to get the computer started. It's definitely straining under the weight of the four external hard drives. Sometimes three hard drives mount, sometimes all four. And, I can't figure out why. I think our Mac has been brilliant over the past six years. It's an outstanding Power Mac g4. But, it's time to upgrade. PJ and I decided that I would go into the bank on Tuesday and try to get a loan for a new computer.

We finally got the computer up an running (albeit, hard drive Bruce wouldn't start at all). So, we decided to back up all of the projects onto Angelica. Because she's a USB hard drive, this took three hours. After all of this technical hell, I just didn't have the will to carry on with editing. I feel terribly guilty.

The new direction is going well, though, so I'm happy about that.

New Direction

After taking 6 weeks off to earn a bit of cash, we are back to editing Tokyo Cowboys. Patrick re-cut the first 50 minutes to focus on Ken's story as the backbone of the piece. His story has the strongest arc. As off shoots of his story, we will be making segues into the lives of the other cowboys.

We've been frustrated about our inability to create momentum with the cut. It seems that earning a living is interfering with the completion, but we continue. I guess this is the way it is.

56

Whey! Patrick's cut the first 56 minutes of the film. We are now officially smokin'.

Moving Along

Now moving from Ken to Mark. Doing this with a little segue into East West: Christmas 1997. Old footage of Ken (when he was fat!) and Mark winning every award there was to win at the end of the year. Wrote the voice over last night. Recorded it during lunch today (doing a paid gig today).

Trying to find money...free money. Don't want to de-value the shares, so the only way to go is with grants and schemes. May be spending the 12th and 13th with one of the very early investors in TC to brainstorm how to get more money in. It would be so good if I could do TC full time and not have to work for money (although I am so thankful to the people who give me work).

Introduction: Ken

Start off with Ken's V.O. about sacrificing a lot to come to Japan.

October 4th, 2002

I think sacrifice is a good place to begin. I used to think that Cowboys led a glamorous and charmed life in Tokyo. But Ken's life is more about balance...a security/freedom balance. Money buys security. But to make money on the urban frontier, you have to sell freedom. He's trying to balance by working from home as a freelance recruiter: the more you put in, the more you get out.

The Rainy Season

October 1st, 2002

We arrived in the middle of the rainy season.
Hot
and humid
and rain
and wind.

It's a fitting welcome. Tokyo is washing herself clean.

There's a Tsunami warning today.
It's supposed to be a big one.
But in the time it takes me to get from Shinjuku to Roppongi
on the new Oedo line,
it has passed.

Tokyo.
How Iíve missed your inconsistent and charming self.

This is Where it Begins

Tokyo September 27th, 2002

We arrived today.

Coming back here is like falling back into a dream...
it's utterly familiar,
yet everything concrete
slips through my fingers
like water,
like neon.

It's a two hour bus ride
from Narita Airport
into the city.
The jet lag hits,
you have to close your eyes...
settle into it.

Patrick says:
"This is where it begins."

We've come looking for Cowboys...
the foreign men
who leave everything behind
and cross oceans
to be here.

What do they give up?
And what treasures do they gain
out here
on the postmodern
urban frontier?

Jason

Jason rolled into town a few days ago, and I'm still recovering.
Called Ken and Brendan in a drunken stupor. Ken was in Hawaii. It was 6.30 a.m. in Tokyo, so Brendan just laughed at me and said he'd call me later.

Jason's on his way to a four week intensive film course in Prague. He wants me to go out there in the middle of August to brainstorm some ideas for a script. Fuck it. Why not.

Rainy Season VO

Needed to cut the Rainy Season V.O. down to 30 seconds, so rewrote and recorded it today. After Patrick dropped it in, it seemed to be lacking a bit of energy. Patrick's suggested that I record it while walking around in the garden. I think he's right. I want it to have the effect that it was recorded on the fly as we were shooting the film.

Tsunami

Oh, I am so pleased. We have finished the opening sequence and are now slotting in the sequences in loose chronological order. As faithful readers of this blog (I know of only three), you will recall that we spent the summer cutting sequences in Rockhammar. I think we cut something like 75...I lost count after 52.

Anyway, we're dropping those sequences into a Final Cut Pro Project aptly called "Tokyo Cowboys: The Whole Thing." We've had to break the TC project into about 9 projects to keep the computer from getting overloaded. She's a good computer, but she's a first gen. G4 bought six years ago for film school. She's souped up with 1.5 Gb of RAM wired up to 5 daisy chained LaCie harddrives totaling 3.5 Tb (that's roughly 3,500 Gb).

At the same time that Patrick is doing this, I am writing and recording voice over. We'll have guide tracks at least. Then, when the whole thing is put together, I'll go back over the voice over to polish it off.

Here is a sample of the most recent voice over penned by yours truly:

October 1st, 2002

The Japanese say they have four seasons. One of them is the rainy season: hot and humid and rain and wind. The shoes in your closet go green if you're not careful. It's a fitting welcome. Tokyo is washing herself clean.

There's a Tsunami warning today. It's supposed to be a big one. Shops shut down, the streets are deserted. But in the time it takes me to get from Shinjuku to Roppongi on the new Oedo line, it has passed. Tokyo. How I've missed your inconsistent and charming self.

And it will go on like this. Mixing with the voices of the Cowboys to form a story made up of many stories. I am so excited. IT IS FINALLY COMING TOGETHER!

By the way, if you have an rss reader, our rss feed for this blog is:

http://www.tokyocowboys.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Thanks for reading and for your continued and much appreciated support!

Coming Together

Amazingly, it is starting to come together. I recorded some guide voice over today, and Patrick popped it in. It's working! So HP was right. I should listen to him more often. It's still rough, but I can see the shape of the beginning.

Breakdown

Had a bit of a mental breakdown today. I started to feel the fear, and I let it get the better of me...saying things like "I have no idea what I'm doing," and "This film is going to be crap." Patrick talked me down from the window ledge.

I think I just get frustrated when I have ideas then try them out and they are not perfect on the first try. I must remind myself that there are steps to the process and I must walk before I can run.

We've intercut the cowboy arrival stories with my beginning voice over. Then I wrote the voice over to introduce the rainy season and to introduce Ken. It is coming together. I just have to trust myself and trust Patrick.

East West

Patrick has suggested looking at some of the old EWC footage. This is stuff that I shot from 1997 - 2000 of various East West Consulting functions, parties, etc. I shot it on an old consumer camera. Two of the main characters and several of the subsidiary characters worked there during the late 90s during the Head Hunting bubble.

Patrick thinks we can use some of this footage, particularly the stuff where Ken is really fat. I looked at some of it. Ken looks like a baby. I guess he was--22 at the time.

We've dropped the footage into the first act of the film. It really works. It shows where Ken came from...where Mark came from. That culture. I'm trawling through the interviews of former EWC people to put together a collage of voices describing this HH boom. I'm getting so excited about the film. It is shaping up. I can see it now. I can see it!

Arrivals

Still working with the arrivals stories. I've got good ones from the likes of Ken, Mark S., World Family Mark, Cloudy, and Patrick. Still capturing others. Patrick pointed out that they can be anybody's arrival story. Any of the several hundred people we interviewed. The stories are being used in the sound track only...most likely over the footage that Patrick has just cut together to form the beginning of the film.

H.P. says that I'm closer than I think. He says I have all of the bits I need to make a great film. I just need to put everything together. Yes. That's what I need to do. Put everything together...one chunk at a time.

Met with Alex about my voice over. She's the Actress/Singer/Voice Over Artist who lives next door. She's helping me to slow it down and put some feeling into it.

I feel good. I'm trying to relax into the pace of it...the rhythm of it. I was thinking it was too slow, but now I think it's just right.

Really miss my family. Wish I could go home. Feel bad that I can't.

The went there with nothing but their preconceived notions about
the postmodern
urban frontier.

They all started teaching English.
Some of them even found their passion
doing
just
that.

Some moved on...

To Headhunting
To Entertainment
To Business

Always searching.

They began to make her their home.
They found freedom and opportunity.
They were favored.

But they were still restless.
They had not yet found the thing that had
called them
to her.

And
in this restlessness and searching
they struck some...strange...kind of...bargain.

They would never find peace like this one.

So they decided they were home.

They Arrived with Nothing...

Circumventing the ailing Bruce, I'm cutting Ken's arrival story on Big Mamma. I think this is going to work: cutting together all of these mini-narratives of the Cowboys' arrival stories. Together, they create...not a grand narrative, as such, but a cacaphony of possibilities on this postmodern urban frontier. So, this is how I'll proceed.

They arrived with nothing...

First Shot

I think I've decided that this is going to be the first shot of the film. I'm thinking in terms of Westerns. They usually start with a wide shot of the "frontier." This is my post-modern urban frontier. I may use voice over from the Cowboys and others to describe Tokyo. Patrick is cutting it over the next few days.

I was freaking out again about the edit...not thinking that I was moving quickly enough...whatever. I invoked the muse praying for her to guide me. As I lay in bed the other night, this shot came into my imagination. I just decided to trust the muse. After cutting this opening sequence, Patrick will go back to cutting all of the bits together. We are on our way.

Harddrive Blues

Our 1000 GB (1TB) harddrive, code named "Bruce," crashed and burned yesterday. Fortunately, it's only media on there, so the project (the edits) are safe. We've had to purchase another harddrive (£372), which I'm hoping will be able to communicate with Bruce to take over the media. Then Bruce will go in for repairs.

Anyone wishing to submit a name for the new harddrive can do so here. Perhaps something Japanesey

Ourotherr drives are:

Elektrik Zoo (70 GB)
Slave (70 GB)
Big Daddy (500 GB)
Big Momma (1 TB)
Angelica (500 GB)

And, yes, they are all full.

Today we start cutting everything together. I pray that this is the way to go. Patrick says we should work on the stories some more before cutting it all together, but I feel that we've spent too much time on that. It's time to move forward. The only way I can see that happening is to cut it all together. Then, if we have a mess, we can start to clean it up. I can't see the forest for the trees right now.

Over the next few weeks, we will be putting all of the bits and pieces together to see if we actually have something coherent. I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

Nietzsche

I read somewhere that "one way or another...all postmodern roads lead to Nietzsche." So I do some research, but Nietzsche is so way over my head.

Beginning Voice Over

27 September 2002

[footage from Narita bus trips]

We arrived in Tokyo today, and everything has changed.
But I still have the feeling of coming home.

Even the language, which at one time seemed so impossible, floods my head instantly.

When the Japanese feel nostalgic they feel "Natsukashii"

I rode the bus from Narita Airport into the city...a two hour ride. When the jet lag hits, it's like falling into a dream of Tokyo. You have to close your eyes and settle into it.

This is where it begins.

[continue on with bus shot w/ no v.o. for a while]

I'm looking for something out here, but I'm not sure what.
Something about the Cowboys who come here...
the gaijin...
the foreign men who leave everything behind and cross oceans.

I'm sure they come for the money, but...somehow that doesn't seem quite right.

It's only the first layer.
But it's the one I'll start with.

[gap here]

There's a guy I know from my time in Japan...came here in the early nineties...just after the bubble had burst.

Back in America, he had been corn fed on the idea that Japan was a place to make your fortune...
despite the economy.

It was a land of opportunity and freedom.

In the beginning of the 21st Century, my friend owns one of Tokyo's top indigenous headhunting firms,

so he's plugged into both the gaijin and the Japanese professional communities.

I wanna know if living on the post-modern urban frontier has lived up to his expectations. I wanna know if money bought him freedom and peace.

Love from a Cowboy

Brent sent this along:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TSWaKWiAhY

In Tokyo you are released from the pain of hating yourself. You come home.

Voice Over

Been working on the voice over lately. Trying to find the right tone. I've been writing overly poetic, I think. Yesterday I experimented with a more journal-like tone, and it seems to be working. I also had this idea of using the voice over as a process of discovery. What did I go there to find? Something about the Cowboys and what causes them to cross oceans to get to Tokyo. Money, Opportunity, Freedom, Peace. This is the journey that they take. And this can be illustrated by the voice over.

On the Shoulder of a Giant

Shooting the BBQ

Inside Cloudy's Brain

Jackie and the Lizard

Arcade

Shooting at World Family

White Balance

Eye of the Cloud

Check out Cloudy's new website.

Sunday

Voice Over

They all went looking for something...
more...
different.
Adventure
Freedom
Money
Fame
A sense of belonging.
They went to find themselves.

They traveled to the wild, wild East
to Tokyo:
the postmodern urban frontier.
They brought what they could carry
always arriving invited

Tokyo welcomes all those with
college degrees
achievement in arts or sport
or
those who can labor at something
that the Japanese cannot.

They tasted of her many fruits
and they were
intoxicated.

And there was always more.
She is ever constructing new realities

And they stayed...
And they tried to find a place...
And they made her the home of the
Tokyo Cowboys.

How Can I?

March Update

Dear Friends of Tokyo Cowboys,

I hope this update finds you healthy and happy. I apologize for not being in touch with ya'll for a while, but things have been busy on the Tokyo Cowboys frontier.

Since my last missive, Patrick and I have been working steadily towards the first cut, and we are right on target for our July 31st deadline. The structure is finally coming together, and I can see a big super nova at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks to the kindness of two of our initial investors, we are FULLY FUNDED! There are no more Tokyo Cowboys shares available for purchase. (You can, however, get them off investors for a much higher price than the original. We plan to be trading on the LSE soon.) This last push will take the project through to completion. If you are an investor and do not have a contract or a Certificate of Ownership, which includes an official Japanese inkan stamp, please email me.

I am steadily working on the marketing plan, however much it takes a back seat to the editing. As you know, until a big fish comes along and swallows us whole, we are marketing as an independent film without all the big studio muscle. That means grass roots efforts. I would like to ask all of you to be on the lookout for festivals, grants, news or grass roots' marketing ideas. If you see anything in whatever you're reading or watching that might help us to get Tokyo Cowboys to market, please email it along.

As always, I will be posting as vigorously as possible on the Tokyo Cowboys Blog (www.tokyocowboys.blogspot.com). We will also be uploading new clips to the website as we cut them (but not too much...we don't want to give away the ending!).

Thank you for continuing to support us with all of your emails, calls, visits and efforts.

Hugs,

Daneeta
Director/Producer
Tokyo Cowboys

The Wall

Spent a bit of time working on the wall today. It's a paper edit of sorts but it takes up the entire length of wall in our hallway. I can put all the pieces together. As soon as I get me hot rockin' Nokia 6280 as a thank you from T-Mobile for being a loyal customer, I will take pics and post here.

That is all.

Beginning Voice Over

It's not that I'm a Japan-o-phile.
It's Tokyo I love.
I recognize brilliance when I see it.
It's the greatest city on the planet...
one of our finest and most intricate creations.

Tokyo is Japan's answer to the Atom bomb.
a polite and resounding:
"fuck you."

Understand this city, and you might crack the enigmatic Japanese.

A two thousand year old culture that grew fat with hubris, was destroyed and then
reinvented itself...
again and again and again.

Tokyo is constantly reinventing herself.

And you are a part of it.
She calls you to her.
You are one of her...chosen.

and you make your way to her however you can.
across oceans and land and time
eschewing your own construct
and joining with her
in
the
great
human
experiment.

She promises you everything...
"It's all here for you," she says.
Devote yourself to her, she says.
Become part of her.

So I did.
But...

The freedom was overwhelming...
it was too much,
and I broke under the pressure

leaving

the
postmodern
urban
frontier.

clinched teeth bit out the promise
"I'll never go back."

But, she said:
"It's not like that. It's not like that at all."

She said:
"Let me show you...Let me tell you the true stories of the Tokyo Cowboys."

The Shares have Gone

We have just received into the Tokyo Cowboys account the final round of funding. This will take us up to the July 31st finish line, folks. The funding comes from two existing Tokyo Cowboys investors who wanted to up their shares in the project. Thanks to you both, we are good to go!

A Beginning and an End

Patrick and I have started to have meetings outside of the "office." This works better for us as it frees up the flow of ideas. At our meeting today, we brainstormed 5 possible beginnings and chose our favorite one to pursue. I won't write it here as I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I am extremely excited about it. It's going to be something completely different from other films about Tokyo, which is something we are aiming for

We also came up with the idea of starting off with the concept of "alien" and ending with the concept of "home." I haven't worked this out completely, but I think it might be a good avenue to pursue. With this in mind, I've started to think of an ending.

I've been trying to figure out how to use the Japanese interviews. I have this idea of using them as "interludes"...the tatami mat maker, the new wave tea master, the juku...all of these would be interludes with voice over. My voice over fading in and out and their voice over fading in and out. My reference for this is some of the God Speed music I've been listening to.

Ghosts

Dear Mr. Marker,

I'm thinking about the marginalization of the white, male, heterosexual. Here is where they can feel special...where they are a rarity. Here is where they are truly free. Sandra says that Japan attracts people that don't fit into their own countries. We are like ghosts in their machine. Boo!

Fire

We are half asleep when the fire trucks arrive. Someone's forgotten to put the BBQ out, and it catches the surfboard on fire. Firemen, policemen, the neighbors...everybody is out to see what the gaijin did.

Little Gifts

The first time we take the train with Cloudy, he puts his hammock up. I'm ashamed to admit it, but when he does this I think he's doing it for the camera. But, then something amazing happens. It starts out with a few brave young men, spurred on by drink and a desire to speak what little English they remember from school. They strike up a conversation. I nearly fall off my seat. This just doesn't happen in Japan. Absolute strangers are carrying on a conversation in the train. Not only that, the Japanese person instigated the conversation and the person he is talking to is a gaijin. You can't imagine how scandalous this is. How reckless. How utterly sublime.

During the months we spend with Cloudy, this happens again and again. He puts up the hammock, and the locals talk to him. It helps that he speaks a bit of Japanese. When no one talks to him, he kicks it off by recognizing the curious glances. Then he asks if they want to have a go in his hammock. I've seen only one man refuse, but he was really drunk. I suspect he was afraid of falling out.

Maybe it's because the Japanese are polite and think it would be rude to refuse. Cloudy says that when they go home they will tell their husband or wife or mother or father about him. But I think it's the opposite. I think they will hold this little gift in their hearts and keep it all for themselves. In future, They will search out the memory and use it for what purpose, I don't know. But it will be just for them.

We Can Know Various Truths

Yoji's T-shirt says "We can know various truths." I am standing in the middle of Shinjuku 2-chome. It's 6 square blocks of the sovereign nation of Japanese queer. It's also the safest place for us to skin up. I ask him what the English on his shirt means. "I don't know," he says. "I bought it because I like the design." In the middle of the conversation, I feel dizzy. I have to nip around the corner and throw up in the shrubbery. A couple of boys walk by and giggle. I look up from the vomit. It's Cowboy Tom from the World Family show with Cloudy. He winks at me and walks on. We can know various truths.

Bits from the Voice Over

Just drafts, but here are some bits I'm been working on:

By accident, we stumble across the shrine dedicated to aborted fetuses. So many of them. Tokyo is a big city. The whole time we are there, only men come to pray to the statues. Somehow this makes it more tragic. I make up stories about the children they have lost. Were the forced to discard them placing their little souls in cold stone for all eternity? Finally, they send a novice priest out to say "no!" He is uncharacteristically firm for a local. I feel he wants to give me a piece of his mind, so I pretend not to speak Japanese. I am ashamed.

Eye of the Cloud

Worked some more on the stories tonight. I was working mostly on Cloudy's story. The first draft went something like this:

Cloudy is a standup comedian. He's dating a girl named Kaori. He takes her to his beach house. They break up. Cloudy starts dating the ALF girl.

For the second draft, I've written up to the end of our first night with Cloudy. It's already 10 pages long. But, I started to discover something. Most of what I'm writing is just to put my writer's mind into context. Then suddenly something comes out that I can use.

What it felt like to leave Cloudy's flat that first night...tanked, in the streets of Shibuya at 2 a.m. It's choc-o-block with young locals. They are spilling out of the clubs and giggling...still high from the music and the dancing and the e. We wave to a group of them on the way back to Sandra's. "Gudo ibuningu," they shout. "Oyasumi!" we shout back. And time slips away and I can almost see Tokyo 100, 200, 300 years ago...all at the same time. It's a humid September night, and the road is dusty. I can smell yaki iimo. And, we're just all trying to find our way home.

Asking the Questions

The first question is: How can I complete Tokyo Cowboys by the end of July of this year?

Last night I spent a good deal of time working on the story. It feels like it's going on forever, but I'm working on transforming my vocabulary. Instead of "going on forever," it's "moving right along." I still haven't decided who will make the cut and who won't. What's very clear is that not everybody can stay in. That would be a 4 hour rambling film that just wouldn't be accessible to most people. And, one think I'm sure about is that I want to make it accessible. No matter how beautiful and moving Chris Marker's film is, it is not accessible to a general audience. That having been said, Tokyo Cowboys must maintain it's poetry. I will not sacrifice that. Well, I wouldn't say sacrifice because I believe that a general audience would be open to poetry. With all of the shit going on in the world right now, we could use a little poetry.

"American Movie"...now that was an accessable documentary. It just didn't get seen by a massive audience because of poor marketing and the fact that it was before the big documentary fashion. It started the trend.

Anyway, I'm writing out all of the stories just in case. I feel close to inter-cutting them together, but there's still the fine tuning. There's also a bit of funding to raise in the form of grants. There are also £6000 worth of shares still left. Our goal is to finish by July. This is certainly possible, but it would be a whole lot easier with money. Isn't that always the case? Patrick and I could dedicate more time to it. I wouldn't be so tired in the evenings. Sometimes I'm so tired from the day job, that I must do some serious motivational hoo hah before I can start to write.

I'm applying for the JUSFC grant again if they let me. I'm applying for the Women in Film grant. It's only a maximum of $5000, but that would get us grading.

The other question I need to start asking myself is: How can I effectively market Tokyo Cowboys to sales agents and distributors? Are those the right people to be targeting? Perhaps I should back up and think of the real goal. Besides communicating my vision, which is to have as many people as possible watching the film and getting it, what are the other goals? A) (and these are in no particular order...A) get investors their money back, B) Make a big enough profit to entice them again for the next project, C) interest people (influential people) in me as a filmmaker so that I can make more films. Very tall orders, but if we don't ask the questions, how will we find any answers? Marketing, marketing, marketing. I'm reading the Marketing book nearly every day to get prepared.

Really tired now. Time to sleep.

The Plan from Now

Yesterday Patrick and I met to talk about the plan for Tokyo Cowboys now that we've reached character assembly.

1) Intercut Characters

• Write out each character's story in prose
  
• What happens?
• Is there a reversal?

2) Cowboy Voice Over

• Transcribe remaining Interviews
• Go through all transcripts and draft Voice Over

3) Narration

4) Tokyo Footage (Transitions)

5) Japanese bits

6) Beginning and Ending

I re-watched Ken's and Mark's footage. Ken's story is there. Mark's isn't so clear. At first I was really frustrated...all huffing and puffing until Patrick came down from the loft and asked what the hell was the matter with me. There is no arc with Mark. I know it's in the footage, it's just not in what we've cut so far. But, I shouldn't be frustrated by this. I should be happy...happy that I know what needs to be done with Mark's footage. I must congratulate us for coming this far. I must motivate the truths.

I thank God for every effing day I spend on Tokyo Cowboys...oo rah.

Master Class

I've been taking these documentary Master Classes up at the film school in the evenings. Yesterday, I went to Marc Isaacs' class. I did a class with Marc last term as well. His films really inspire me. They are more thematic than narrative, and they are quite poetic, subtle and emotional. He's quite skilled as a filmmaker, although he's not formerly trained. It makes me wonder how much formal training is really worth.

Both times, Marc was kind enough to talk to me after. He's very supportive and even sent us kind words while we were in Sweden. I like talking to him because he's advanced further down the road but not so far that he doesn't have time to help those just starting out.

Today, I watched the character assemblies for the first time. It was amazing. Before watching them, I felt that things were just all over the place. I felt like the film was so disjointed. But now I can see the stories presenting themselves...the true stories of the Tokyo Cowboys. I felt really great after watching the assemblies, and I've got renewed excitement about the project.

Pictures of Eric

Cloudy has sent along some pictures of Eric on her travels. Here they are.

Moving Along

Patrick cleaned up the two sequences I cut of Nice Guyjin...them in the fish market and them hanging in the studio. Patrick is so kick ass. I gave him a 10 minute rambling mess, and he came back with two finished sequences.

Have been thinking about the head hunters again, and I realized that I have to put them back in. They add something to the piece. We are looking for cowboys, and they are part of that search.

Been working on the concept capsule

Tokyo Cowboys...a modern day western set on the post modern urban frontier...Howard says this one is crap, so back to the drawing board. But the metaphore is the western...hmmm...do more research on the western.

Thinking about Roger

Cut Nice Guyjin at the Fish Market yesterday. It was the first time we shot all three of them together. They were like a breath of fresh air. And they started to turn things around for me. They reminded me about some of the great things about Tokyo.

I'm thinking about how to construct scenes. There are so few scenes where the characters are not talking to camera. It's just the way it is, so I have to use that to my advantage instead of moaning about it. How can I used that in an interesting way? How can I use that to communicate to the audience. I have to think like the audience is along for the ride. The characters are always talking to us (Patrick and me). But we represent the audience, so it's as if the characters are talking to the audience directly. I need to experiment with that, find the rhythm and the poetry in that. It has something to do with making each person in the audience feel like they are sitting in that room with us, or walking in the fish market with the Nice Guyjin. They have to experience it like we were experiencing it when we were shooting.

Why did I go back there? Why did I want to make this film? What did I want to communicate? What was my intention? In Tokyo, things seemed to happen to me...that's how I felt. I felt that I had no control. But there were people that did have control...or they seemed to. They were the cowboys. They had money, they had lifestyle, they had a life that was like a dream...a fantasy. How did they do it? What was it about them? What qualities did they have? they looked like average normal guys. They were average normal guys.

I had to find out, so I went to Tokyo looking for the cowboys...and this is what I found. Now that's sort of the beginning (not to say that it has to come at the beginning of the film). I went to Tokyo looking for the cowboys...the Tokyo cowboys. then I have to define a cowboy. Then I go through all these guys looking for that. And, in the end, do I find it? Him?

Back up a bit...define a Tokyo Cowboy. Western guy, arrives in Tokyo while still quite young...looking for opportunity, adventure, a new start...a start as they are young and don't know what they are looking for. The post modern urban frontier. It's different from the other frontiers where there is nothing but wide open spaces. The PM urban frntier has broadband and...well everything. And, it's sitting on thousands of years of recorded history. All that choice, all that opportunity, all that freedom. Only the strong survive.

In the end, Tokyo is the star of the movie.

I knew this guy in Tokyo...gaijin. He started up one of the first ISPs in Japan. I met him at the beginning of his adventure. He became so successful--beyond his wildest dreams. When I left Japan, he was about to retire at something like 42. I remember the last time I saw him. He was so happy. He was about to start the rest of his life.

A few months later he was dead...murdered. He'd gone back to America...Los Angeles I think. He was looking around for opportunities. That's where they got him. I don't know what that means, but it means something.

Over there it's safe. It's like a dream. And here...that's like the real world. It's sometimes too real for people.

Journey

I want it to feel like the audience has gone on this journey with us. But, doesn't that mean they have to be coming from the same place as us? They have to begin where we begin. Actually having trouble with the beginning. I have most of the assembly in place...that's all of the middle bits. I have an ending...but beginning. Isn't that always the hardest part?

Start with words then find the pictures. They are surely there.

Good things Brewing

Been transcribing again. Looking forward to finishing at the film school on Tuesday of next week. Then off to Sweden on Wed. to do a recky for the Rockhammar short we're doing next October. Back on Sunday. Then I can dedicate full time to Tokyo Cowboys until about the 2nd week in January when I have to go back to work again. Patrick may get a good gig early next year which would mean I could work full time on Cowboys until July. Cross your fingers for us everyone.

Back in the Saddle Again

Finally settled back into London, and Patrick has started cutting again. I went back to work at the Film School to bring some money in. Patrick is getting gigs here and there. A one-day gig for Patrick yields one week’s worth of wages I get from the Film School, but the school is steady work.

We are very close to an assembly with some 57 sequences cut, but not there yet. It’s all going to come together with the writing, so I’ve got to find time between working full time and taking care of the production side of things to get in some quality writing.

What is clear, though, is that after taking nearly a month off from the footage, I can objectively say that the stuff is cutting together very nicely and we have something special.

Cowboy News

Nice Guyjin have been ranked #11 on Japanese itunes in the category of Rab/Hip Hop.

A Bit All Over the Place

Finally back in London! Rolled into Rob's at 4:30. Caught up. Friday morning, Patrick and I excitedly boarded the bus in anticipation of seeing the flat. We waited out on Old Compton Street for the agent to show. But, when he did, he had just gotten off the phone with the news that his nan had just died! He took us up to the flat, and it was the wrong one. But, the poor guy was in such a state that we could do nothing about it.

The other flat was already taken. I was a little pissed at Adam as he was supposed to see the flat two days earlier, but he couldn't because of work.

We've got an appt. on Monday to see two others near Holborn station. One, says the agent, is the size of a football field. I'll believe it when I see it.

I will not be beaten! We will find a flat in central, and it will be cool.

P's job has been put back a week, but that will give him the opportunity to re-acquaint himself with the software.

Patrick and I have been together for nearly 4 years.

Mom wants us home for Christmas. How am I going to manage it.

Things I Don't Spend Money On

On the boat back to London. Got up at 5 a.m. to make the 3 hour drive to Gothenberg to get the boat. Couldn't sleep last night anyway. Stayed at Goren's, and he has mice...it's a farm! They were running around all night. We had to sleep with the light on, and then they were quiet.

Made two appts to see flats on Friday.

We're both really looking forward to being back in London. My plans? Work up at the film school as many days as they will let me. Editing at night. Writing on the weekends. Patrick got put up for a job by R. It's asst. editing, and it pays quite well, so we are excited about that.

Just want to get settled in a flat, activate our love film account, get out UGC cinema cards back and start editing again. Staying at R and H's for two weeks until we get a flat.

As for my idea about publishing in London, I wrote down 20 ideas. I bought the "Writer's Yearbook," and I'm going to give it a go. If I can get published here, that will be three countries who have published my work. I'd love to get some of the poetry published, but I will take just about anything. In Tokyo, I had to do loads of writing for free before I got my paid gigs. I don't think it will be any different in London.

I feel that this coming year has good things in store for Patrick and me. A better quality of life, some regular money...it would be nice to actually make a living as opposed to just scraping by. Here is a list of things that we haven't spent money on in years:

hair cuts--why pay for them when you can do them yourself (in P's case) or not at all (in my case)
the dentist--floss and brush after every meal, no sweets, powerful mouthwash
dining out--why when you can cook
CDs--borrow them
DVDs--ibid
Books--ibid
make up--never wore it anyway
clothes--hand-me-downs from fashionable friends
shoes--they last for years
socks--I'm a darn good darner
underwear--ibid
hair gel--shaved head and long hair need none
gym--walk faster

Things that I give up meals for:

the cinema
the TV license

I think our financial situation will get better in the coming year. I'd like to stop begging for money. I mean, what makes me different from the beggars on the street. I'm using the money begged to pay rent, while they are using it to buy smack. One man's rent is another man's smack.

Small Things of Note

Spent the day yesterday transcribing the Ueno footage of Nice Guyjin. Had a phone call with Channel 4 telling me what they were expecting for the pitch.

The Next Best Day

Yesterday, Channel 4 called. I've been short listed for the Channel 4 Sheffield Documentary Pitch for another idea I had. That was a bit unexpected, but very nice. I told her I was in Sweden and had to figure out how to get back to London. So, booked a flight on Ryan Air to go back to London next week.

CA gave me a contact for a Japanese marketing company in London. Who knows what will come out of it, but it's worth an introductory email.

Our patron came through with some money as well. This allowed me to pay off the overdraft debt on my account, which has been hanging over my head for a year. My account is now zeroed out. It seems like the plan is working. NV Peale suggests cultivating a relaxed trust in God. Prayerize, Pictureize, Actualize. When you have a problem in your life, talk it over with God,test it according to his will. Now I'm sounding like a mad Jesus freak, but I do have a strong faith, and it does work when I'm not whinging, so who cares?

The Best Day of my Life

Got up late and spent until 4 p.m. sending off emails. It's amazing all of the admin work that goes along with making a film. It's enough to drive one's creativity away.

Started to edit the first meeting with Scott. I thought I'd give it a go at Patrick's suggestion. I did a very rough assembly that clicks in at over 10 mins., but it was good for me. The first step is the assembly, and that's just cutting out all the crap and leaving all of the potentially good stuff in.

I worked a little on my goals as well...just the planning part...the financial goal. Trying to think about paying us first...that is, socking away 10% of everything we make before paying any bills. It's a really good habit to get into. Still working on our budget, which is a challenge because we don't have any income as of yet. It's weird...it's like I have to think about how much it will take for us to live in London and then figure out how to make that figure monthly. I guess we could live more cheaply if we moved out of zone 1, but central is our home. And, with my NOLA home gone, I just want to be in a place where I feel comfortable.

Trying to find flats on the Internet. Can't rely on Adam. He's working flat out and doesn't have time to look at places.

I'm going to cut more stuff myself...particularily the interviews. The best way is to transcribe, log what is good and then do a rough assembly...like I did with Scott's interview.

Two new investors. It's a Godsend. But after these two, we'll only have £6000 left in the initial budget to raise. Can I finsih the film with £6000? Maybe. But, it's gonna take a lot of work...a lot of begging. Maybe do something with sweat equity.

If Patrick could just get one good gig a month, we could live off of that. But, he's been trying for over a year to break in, and he only started getting good gigs right before he left. Now, he may have to start all over again.

Haven't had a shower in days. This could end up being the best day of my life.

Put everything into little boxes...

Finished transcribing Scott's interview yesterday. That was it. I was in a mood all day. Patrick cut the singing sequence where Dave and Hiromi are practicing for the new band that Dave wants to create with him and his fiance. I'm going to cut the first meeting with Scott...look for the cinematic elements.

I wonder...I wonder...I wonder if I can get the assembly done by the end of December. That's another three months. If I can get all of the sequences cut by ...hold on there. We've cut 43 sequences...8 weeks...that's 5 sequences per week. But, when we go back, we won't be free all of the time...so expect maybe 3 sequences a week...anyway. I should work it all out scientific-like so it's a realistic schedule to work from, but that's so depressing because at this rate, I'll be cutting for the rest of my bloody life. But, that's one of the important steps of goal setting....know where you are and know what needs to be done between now and when you want to accomplish your goal. But sometimes I feel really overwhelmed. There's all the creative stuff, and then there's the day to day crap like budgeting and money and just plain planning one's own life. It can be overwhelming.

I remember Brad Bartz, my old boss at IAC. He told me to put everything in little boxes in my head and only open one box at a time. I'm dividing them up into departments. There's the admin department, the creative department, the development department. There's the CEO. there's the personal assistant. There's the Chef, the physical trainer, the finance officer. And we're working together to run the industry that is me. I've just opened a new division...the publishing division which will try to get myself published in England. My personal assistant (me) is finding me a flat. Maybe I can use her to help me cope.

Booked the boat to go back on the 19th/20th.
Had a nice walk in the forest.

I was really testy yesterday...not thankful at all. The thing is, if I manage to just get up in the morning, then I should be thankful. And, then I get to write for an hour! That's even better. And then there's coffee and buns! And there's Tokyo Cowboys...even better.

Scott, JJ and Dave...the guys. I know the story, but how does it relate to the greater story of finding freedom on the post modern urban frontier? There's the control issue.

I've lost myself again.

Giving Patrick the Day Off

Couldn't really work yesterday. That's not so true. I transcribed part of Scott's first interview...about an hour's worth of the three hour interview. What was I thinking? I had planned to do some planning for Nice Guyjin, but it just wasn't coming. I had a lack of immagination. And now Patrick is asking me "what are we gonna cut today?" Big Momma's House? Scott's interview? But I haven't even gone through the footage yet. It's all part of the process...all part of it. Just calm the fuck down.

I can look at the footage again today. Maybe give Patrick another day off to work on "Daybreak." And just finish the Scott footage. Then I can have more of a hand in it. Just see how that works. Slow it down just a bit. And write. I should write, yes? Everything is going to work out for the best. It always does. Yes sir, it does. So, what about Scott? What about Nice Guyjin? What about the film...the story?

I went to find Cowboys on the post modern urban frontier. I went to find freedom. I heard...I thought they had a monopoly on freedom. But what was that? I was discovering that there was no one definition. There were as many definitions of freedom as there were people. So, I went through their mini-narratives trying to define it for myself...trying to find my own mini-narrative. I could pick and choose from theirs. What did I discover? Just that...there is no one definition of freedom. You can't define it universally. There is no Truth with a capital "T."

It's a personal story, sure. It's a journey back to Tokyo. But what is my relationship with Tokyo, and what new things do these characters show me about Tokyo...about the post-modern urban frontier? I hated Tokyo. I was reluctant to go back. But, there was something calling me back. Tokyo is calling me back. She'd been calling me back since the moment I left..."no, that's not the way it is. You've got it all wrong. I'm not the city of broken dreams. I am the city that fulfills dreams." So I went back because I had to. It just wouldn't let go. I thought I'd had it bad...that all of this freedom and opportunity had been the death of me. That it was all just too much.

But, the guys...the cowboys...they seemed to be able to handle it. They seemed to embrace it. And, there's something about control that Patrick and I were talking about yesterday.

Anyway, cutting today...I think I might wait. Give Patrick the day off.

Struggle vs. Fun

Getting more and more anxious about getting back to London. It looks like the flatmate won't be able to find a place on his own. Too busy with work, and he can only look at places on the weekend. Estate agents aren't open on weekends, so, we're a bit effed.

I was thinking yesterday about struggle. It doesn't have to be a struggle. It can be fun. It's only a choice...or so they say. But, remember this? Remember Christmas morning when you were a kid? Remember Christmas Eve and hardly being able to sleep? Ah, but there's no presents, you say. There's this other thing that my step bros used to do in the middle of muggy southern Louisiana summers. We'd go out into the garage and partition ourselves off from each other. Then we'd wrap stuff up in newspaper and make ribbons out of whatever was available. Then we'd give each other the presents. After opening our presents and saying thank you, we'd do it all over again. It didn't matter that they were wrapped in newspaper or that the present was an old rusty wrench (or spanner for you brits). It was almost just like Christmas. Almost.

I must do something with all of the anger and disappointment. And that something is in my films. It's in my writing. It's what gives me a voice.

Today is planning day. Nice Guyjin and Dave. When I first met them, I was really fed up with the headhunters. They seemed like a breath of fresh air. They seemd like they had something that the HHs didn't have. They were engaging. They were on top of the world. They were gonna sell a million records. We were swept up in it all. I was swept up. I just wanted to spend all my time with them. They made me feel...they made me love Japan again. They made me remember how much fun it could be. They hadn't grown up. Dave even said he felt like an 8 year old. They hadn't become serious about anything. The HHs were damned serious. Was it the money? Was it the fact that if they let their concentration slep for one minute, they might lose a couple of million (yen, that is). It was the performer/businessman dichotomy I guess. They could be crazy because they were performers. But Ken was having fun with the HH stuff. Getting confused now.

OK, when I met Scott, he was like a breath of fresh air. I met Scott through Bryan. Do I have to show Bryan? Anyway, I met Scott. And he was preaching this new kind of freedom: "Mainichi Nichiyobi" (everyday Sunday). I wanted to believe. I really wanted to, but something was bothering me. These guys were set up becaouse of Big Momma. They had a studio in their swank house in the Senju. They were very thankful to their patron, but they had a patron. It at least gives one pause. There was this other thing. The spirit of independence. They wanted to be on their own. They wanted to break from the system...the Japanese system. The music label they had been under was too restrictive. And, another thing...independence...

The Dark Side

Patrick is saying the way to increase the power of the film is to make it highly personal. I agree. But, I must be conscious to avoid self-indulgence. Thinking about my relationship with Tokyo. When I left there in 2000, I thought I'd never go back. Tokyo, I thought, had been responsible for everything that had gone wrong in my life. I had gone crazy in Tokyo. I had lost myself. But there was something...it was part of me. It had changed me...given me super hero powers. I needed to go back to recharge and to find something.

I knew these guys in Tokyo. They had lots of money...they had nice pads. I thought they had a monopoly on freedom. And so did they. But, the definition of freedom kept changing. It was as elusive as Tokyo herself. At first I thought that freedom was having a lot of money. I asked these guys "does money buy freedom?" And they all agreed that money did indeed buy freedom because it allowed you to do what you wanted when you wanted. You could, for example, "buy yourself into TV" according to Ken. You could buy a little island and have concubines. So, I thought the headhunting cowboys had freedom because they had a lot of money. They rode around Tokyo in flash cars, and they had rolexes and beautiful women. But they didn't seem free. They seemed enslaved by the job. And, as much as they talked about how exciting making the deal was, it was all tied up in the money. They wouldn't be doing the job if it weren't for the money. And most of them...all they wanted to do was cash out. Or, like Jason, they had to "trick" themselves into believing it was fun.

I'm looking for cowboys on the post modern urban frontier. Here's the story: I go there to look for cowboys--men who are free. And burning through an array of characters, I discover what true freedom is, and I discover what it is to be a cowboy.

Mini-narratives
Individual Modes of Expression

What did I discover about freedom on the post modern urban frontier? Freedom is in your head. It's mental. Just like the rough is mental. And the cowboys were each communicating their own brand of truth about freedom.

Still missing something. What's the feeling there? You feel like anything's possible. And, if anything is possible because you've seen it and you've talked to people in the pub who've achieved it, then you take more risks to achieve your anything. You might as well live out your wildest fantasies because it is possible and no one will judge you for it. Now that's freedom. But, there's always a dark side. Don't forget the dark side.

In the end, Tokyo called me back home like the siren she is. There's food and sake and women. There's broadband internet and video messaging and beer machines. It's safe and it's clean and you can have oodles of fun. Everyone's nice, and you can earn wads of cash just because you happen to be a native English speaker. And, yes, there's a dark side. It is, after all, the land of the rising sun so the darkness will always be there behind the sun. But you don't have to look at it because the darkness is within you and so is the light.

I guess the worst thing

...was that I learned about it on the website...not getting the JUSFC grant, that is. The letter was en route from LFS, but I thought I'd check out the website to see if there was any news. They had posted the awardees, and the TC name was not on the list. I suppose I'm disappointed. But, not too much. It was a long shot anyway. The letter stated the reasons: funding restrictions and committment to other projects. I may apply again in the Spring with a lower budget.

As we know, one door closes and another one opens. I'm looking for that open door now. I've been repeating my new mantra "the rough is only mental." It helps.

Pre-occupied with finding a flat. We've decided that if Adam finds a place, we'll move back within two weeks instead of staying until the end of October. We're both hankering to get back to London and immerse ourselves in the thick of things.

40 years old, and I don't feel as if I've found the road yet. But, patience my dear. A lot of times we're on the road, and we don't even realize it. I have the stamina to take the long and winding road. Just keep cutting, keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

I'm concerned about going back to work at the film school. I love the job. I love the people. But, it takes time away from Tokyo Cowboys. So, I'll just have to get better at managing my energy. Write in the early mornings, Film School Job during the day, cut at night.

Finding the Good Poo

Praise the Lord! The patron is gonna come through! He promised to send us money next week. That's part of our problems solved.

Again, spent the day going over loads of footage while Patrick cut the Telephone English sequence with Dave and Cloudy. He's going to cut the BBQ party today. That's when Cloudy's BBQ set the roof on fire and the police and fire brigade came. He also burned to a crisp one of his prized surfboards. A little concerned about this sequence. There are some great shots particularly when one of the Japanese girls set her hair on fire letting off a bottle rocket and Cloudy shooting fire works out of one of his mate's butts. But the music was playing the whole time: Led Zeppelin and Rolling Stones. Can't afford those music rights (especially the Stones who are said to charge upwards of 1 million US dollars for a snippet of their music.

Extremely tired today. Worried about finding a flat. Worried about money. Worried that the film is going to be crap. But, that's just stupid. The film's gonna be great. But, it's all down to me now. The writing is what's going to tie it all together...create drama...make poetry. Haven't been able to write for days. But, that's not really true, either. I write every morning for an hour or two. And I write here. But, nothing for the film. I know this happens. I know that you write and write and you have nothing. Then, all of a sudden, you get pages and pages of good stuff. I've never had writer's block. I've have writer's diarrhea. It's finding the good poo in all the diarrhea that's the challenge for me.

Been working on goals. Thinking about my 5 year goals and my 10 year goals. One of my 10 year goals is to become an industry...like Martha Stewart or Elle Macpherson...employing family and friends alike...supporting them. I'll be 50 then.

Do Not Fear

Did loads of footage review yesterday. I asked Cloudy about why foreigners were so successful in Tokyo. It seems like everyone we meet is successful, I said. He said that there were more markets to exploit. I was thinking about this just the other day. What markets could I exploit in London. It was easy in Tokyo.

Spoke to Shirley at LFS yesterday. She said there was loads of work for me to do there, so I'm gonna get the PT job back when I go back to the UK. I am thankful for that. It will at least help us pay the rent.

Waiting for two investments to come through, and waiting for word from our Patron. If those and the deposit come back, we can make it to the end of January. If not...well, just don't want to really think about that. Just one break...if we could get this grant, we could be so finished by summer of next year. But, hope is waning. I have to be realistic. Had they awarded us the grant, we would have heard from them by now surely. And, if not from them then from our fiscal sponsor.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Can't remember if it was Kennedy or Roosevelt who said that, and I'm too lazy to look it up. But, I've been contemplating that. Is the fear the thing which causes failure? Fear is the thing that can crush our dreams. Fear can make us do some really stupid things. And so I say to myself...DO NOT FEAR DANEETA. Or, turn fear into excitement. They have the same physical sensation...quickening of the heart, shortness of breath, the need to pee. Feel excited not fearful. And, I've got a new day ahead of me...a new day...Oh Brave New World!

Wheat and Chaff

Got one step closer to getting the deposit back from the landlord. That gets us one step closer to getting back to London. Money...I was obsessing about it yesterday. How did money become something as important as food or air? This stupid piece of colored paper. Yet, you won't last long without it. Look at the bums in the street and the starving kids in Africa.

Contacted 30 Real Estate agents today about flats in London. Both Patrick and I are dead set on moving back to Covent Garden/Holborn area. Our friends think we are insane, and I come up with all of these excuses about why we want to move back to Central: but lookit, in the end, it's our home. And, after being homeless for 2 months out in Swederland and losing my New Orleans home, I just want to be in my adopted home of central London. My other trump card, though, is that I'm lucky with flats. I always have been. I'm dreaming about a warehouse, but that might be going just a bit too far. Should I mention that I dreamed about my other two flats in London before I found them? Kind of spooky.

Looked through loads of footage again. Just trying to separate the wheat from the chaff. Patrick is cutting like mad. Here are the Cloudy sequences we've cut so far:

Cloudy at the Arcade
Mobile Montage
Teaching at the Handicapped School
Comedy Gig at the Fiddler
World Family Show
Private English Lesson with Balloon Kids

Still no word about the grant. Lesley says it hasn't even come to the film school yet. I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm a bit scared. If we don't get the grant, how will we continue? Do we just continue like we have been? Work at odd jobs until we save up enough money to have a 3 month stint somewhere to edit? At that rate, this thing...this monster...this effing beast will take another two or three years. I must find another way. I must finish this thing. I must!

The Plan

Strange dreams last night about looking for flats and trying to get my job back at LFS.

Went into town on Friday and spent the evening with Frederick and Jacob. They were nice and asked a lot about the project, but I somehow think that they just don't get us. I think it's the problem that most people have with what we do and was so succinctly expressed by my Mother's husband: "why don't you get a job?" By that, he meant a job that has a regular income where you pay into a social security scheme, etc. Yeah. A job. I've tried that a bazillion times. It's just not for me. I'm too stubborn, and I don't plan on changing.

Grocery shopping on Saturday, and Karin took us to the University so that I could use the broadband Internet connection to research grants and other ways to make money...namely publishing. When I was in Japan, I was publishing sometimes 5-6 times a month. I haven't done anything since then, and I am itching to do it. Poetry seems to be big these days...some publications are ONLY accepting poetry. So, I dusted off the old poetry bone and popped out a few. It's interesting how my poetry changes in tone as my life passes before my very eyes.

Get money to finish this f*cker. Where can I get money to finish Tokyo Cowboys? That's the question...the one big question. I need a plan...need a plan.

Gambaru

Joe and Sylvie are coming by today to pick mushrooms and then take us into town to stay with Karin for the night. I'm hoping to get a few hours of Internet research in as well...looking for grants...looking for money. I'm tired of looking for money. Why can't a butt load just drop into my lap so that I can get this thing finished.

Went through a butt load of footage. My head is a little frazzled from it all.

Patrick is looking forward to getting back to London. He's tired of the vagabond lifestyle. He wants to settle. I guess I do too. But, how? Our patron has promised to send money at the end of the month. That would sort out our return home. Sitting on pins and needles. Don't want to beg, don't want to mention it. Hoping that the patron will just do it. Just remember us.

My sleep was erratic last night. Even prayer would not help. It usually does as the source of my insomnia is generally worry. I was thinking about Tokyo and with what ease one can make money there. There is always a way to make money...at the very least, one can teach English for £50 and hour. I could make good money there doing little part time jobs...then save the bulk of my time for the non paid things that I love. Not so in London. In London, I struggle...we struggle. I must find a new word for "struggle." I'm trying to change all of this negative language to positive. Consider the Lilies of the filed...they shall not toil. We don't struggle, we persevere...we gambaru.