New Direction

After taking 6 weeks off to earn a bit of cash, we are back to editing Tokyo Cowboys. Patrick re-cut the first 50 minutes to focus on Ken's story as the backbone of the piece. His story has the strongest arc. As off shoots of his story, we will be making segues into the lives of the other cowboys.

We've been frustrated about our inability to create momentum with the cut. It seems that earning a living is interfering with the completion, but we continue. I guess this is the way it is.

56

Whey! Patrick's cut the first 56 minutes of the film. We are now officially smokin'.

Moving Along

Now moving from Ken to Mark. Doing this with a little segue into East West: Christmas 1997. Old footage of Ken (when he was fat!) and Mark winning every award there was to win at the end of the year. Wrote the voice over last night. Recorded it during lunch today (doing a paid gig today).

Trying to find money...free money. Don't want to de-value the shares, so the only way to go is with grants and schemes. May be spending the 12th and 13th with one of the very early investors in TC to brainstorm how to get more money in. It would be so good if I could do TC full time and not have to work for money (although I am so thankful to the people who give me work).

Introduction: Ken

Start off with Ken's V.O. about sacrificing a lot to come to Japan.

October 4th, 2002

I think sacrifice is a good place to begin. I used to think that Cowboys led a glamorous and charmed life in Tokyo. But Ken's life is more about balance...a security/freedom balance. Money buys security. But to make money on the urban frontier, you have to sell freedom. He's trying to balance by working from home as a freelance recruiter: the more you put in, the more you get out.

The Rainy Season

October 1st, 2002

We arrived in the middle of the rainy season.
Hot
and humid
and rain
and wind.

It's a fitting welcome. Tokyo is washing herself clean.

There's a Tsunami warning today.
It's supposed to be a big one.
But in the time it takes me to get from Shinjuku to Roppongi
on the new Oedo line,
it has passed.

Tokyo.
How Iíve missed your inconsistent and charming self.

This is Where it Begins

Tokyo September 27th, 2002

We arrived today.

Coming back here is like falling back into a dream...
it's utterly familiar,
yet everything concrete
slips through my fingers
like water,
like neon.

It's a two hour bus ride
from Narita Airport
into the city.
The jet lag hits,
you have to close your eyes...
settle into it.

Patrick says:
"This is where it begins."

We've come looking for Cowboys...
the foreign men
who leave everything behind
and cross oceans
to be here.

What do they give up?
And what treasures do they gain
out here
on the postmodern
urban frontier?

Jason

Jason rolled into town a few days ago, and I'm still recovering.
Called Ken and Brendan in a drunken stupor. Ken was in Hawaii. It was 6.30 a.m. in Tokyo, so Brendan just laughed at me and said he'd call me later.

Jason's on his way to a four week intensive film course in Prague. He wants me to go out there in the middle of August to brainstorm some ideas for a script. Fuck it. Why not.

Rainy Season VO

Needed to cut the Rainy Season V.O. down to 30 seconds, so rewrote and recorded it today. After Patrick dropped it in, it seemed to be lacking a bit of energy. Patrick's suggested that I record it while walking around in the garden. I think he's right. I want it to have the effect that it was recorded on the fly as we were shooting the film.

Tsunami

Oh, I am so pleased. We have finished the opening sequence and are now slotting in the sequences in loose chronological order. As faithful readers of this blog (I know of only three), you will recall that we spent the summer cutting sequences in Rockhammar. I think we cut something like 75...I lost count after 52.

Anyway, we're dropping those sequences into a Final Cut Pro Project aptly called "Tokyo Cowboys: The Whole Thing." We've had to break the TC project into about 9 projects to keep the computer from getting overloaded. She's a good computer, but she's a first gen. G4 bought six years ago for film school. She's souped up with 1.5 Gb of RAM wired up to 5 daisy chained LaCie harddrives totaling 3.5 Tb (that's roughly 3,500 Gb).

At the same time that Patrick is doing this, I am writing and recording voice over. We'll have guide tracks at least. Then, when the whole thing is put together, I'll go back over the voice over to polish it off.

Here is a sample of the most recent voice over penned by yours truly:

October 1st, 2002

The Japanese say they have four seasons. One of them is the rainy season: hot and humid and rain and wind. The shoes in your closet go green if you're not careful. It's a fitting welcome. Tokyo is washing herself clean.

There's a Tsunami warning today. It's supposed to be a big one. Shops shut down, the streets are deserted. But in the time it takes me to get from Shinjuku to Roppongi on the new Oedo line, it has passed. Tokyo. How I've missed your inconsistent and charming self.

And it will go on like this. Mixing with the voices of the Cowboys to form a story made up of many stories. I am so excited. IT IS FINALLY COMING TOGETHER!

By the way, if you have an rss reader, our rss feed for this blog is:

http://www.tokyocowboys.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Thanks for reading and for your continued and much appreciated support!

Coming Together

Amazingly, it is starting to come together. I recorded some guide voice over today, and Patrick popped it in. It's working! So HP was right. I should listen to him more often. It's still rough, but I can see the shape of the beginning.

Breakdown

Had a bit of a mental breakdown today. I started to feel the fear, and I let it get the better of me...saying things like "I have no idea what I'm doing," and "This film is going to be crap." Patrick talked me down from the window ledge.

I think I just get frustrated when I have ideas then try them out and they are not perfect on the first try. I must remind myself that there are steps to the process and I must walk before I can run.

We've intercut the cowboy arrival stories with my beginning voice over. Then I wrote the voice over to introduce the rainy season and to introduce Ken. It is coming together. I just have to trust myself and trust Patrick.

East West

Patrick has suggested looking at some of the old EWC footage. This is stuff that I shot from 1997 - 2000 of various East West Consulting functions, parties, etc. I shot it on an old consumer camera. Two of the main characters and several of the subsidiary characters worked there during the late 90s during the Head Hunting bubble.

Patrick thinks we can use some of this footage, particularly the stuff where Ken is really fat. I looked at some of it. Ken looks like a baby. I guess he was--22 at the time.

We've dropped the footage into the first act of the film. It really works. It shows where Ken came from...where Mark came from. That culture. I'm trawling through the interviews of former EWC people to put together a collage of voices describing this HH boom. I'm getting so excited about the film. It is shaping up. I can see it now. I can see it!

Arrivals

Still working with the arrivals stories. I've got good ones from the likes of Ken, Mark S., World Family Mark, Cloudy, and Patrick. Still capturing others. Patrick pointed out that they can be anybody's arrival story. Any of the several hundred people we interviewed. The stories are being used in the sound track only...most likely over the footage that Patrick has just cut together to form the beginning of the film.

H.P. says that I'm closer than I think. He says I have all of the bits I need to make a great film. I just need to put everything together. Yes. That's what I need to do. Put everything together...one chunk at a time.

Met with Alex about my voice over. She's the Actress/Singer/Voice Over Artist who lives next door. She's helping me to slow it down and put some feeling into it.

I feel good. I'm trying to relax into the pace of it...the rhythm of it. I was thinking it was too slow, but now I think it's just right.

Really miss my family. Wish I could go home. Feel bad that I can't.

The went there with nothing but their preconceived notions about
the postmodern
urban frontier.

They all started teaching English.
Some of them even found their passion
doing
just
that.

Some moved on...

To Headhunting
To Entertainment
To Business

Always searching.

They began to make her their home.
They found freedom and opportunity.
They were favored.

But they were still restless.
They had not yet found the thing that had
called them
to her.

And
in this restlessness and searching
they struck some...strange...kind of...bargain.

They would never find peace like this one.

So they decided they were home.

They Arrived with Nothing...

Circumventing the ailing Bruce, I'm cutting Ken's arrival story on Big Mamma. I think this is going to work: cutting together all of these mini-narratives of the Cowboys' arrival stories. Together, they create...not a grand narrative, as such, but a cacaphony of possibilities on this postmodern urban frontier. So, this is how I'll proceed.

They arrived with nothing...

First Shot

I think I've decided that this is going to be the first shot of the film. I'm thinking in terms of Westerns. They usually start with a wide shot of the "frontier." This is my post-modern urban frontier. I may use voice over from the Cowboys and others to describe Tokyo. Patrick is cutting it over the next few days.

I was freaking out again about the edit...not thinking that I was moving quickly enough...whatever. I invoked the muse praying for her to guide me. As I lay in bed the other night, this shot came into my imagination. I just decided to trust the muse. After cutting this opening sequence, Patrick will go back to cutting all of the bits together. We are on our way.

Harddrive Blues

Our 1000 GB (1TB) harddrive, code named "Bruce," crashed and burned yesterday. Fortunately, it's only media on there, so the project (the edits) are safe. We've had to purchase another harddrive (£372), which I'm hoping will be able to communicate with Bruce to take over the media. Then Bruce will go in for repairs.

Anyone wishing to submit a name for the new harddrive can do so here. Perhaps something Japanesey

Ourotherr drives are:

Elektrik Zoo (70 GB)
Slave (70 GB)
Big Daddy (500 GB)
Big Momma (1 TB)
Angelica (500 GB)

And, yes, they are all full.

Today we start cutting everything together. I pray that this is the way to go. Patrick says we should work on the stories some more before cutting it all together, but I feel that we've spent too much time on that. It's time to move forward. The only way I can see that happening is to cut it all together. Then, if we have a mess, we can start to clean it up. I can't see the forest for the trees right now.

Over the next few weeks, we will be putting all of the bits and pieces together to see if we actually have something coherent. I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

Nietzsche

I read somewhere that "one way or another...all postmodern roads lead to Nietzsche." So I do some research, but Nietzsche is so way over my head.

Beginning Voice Over

27 September 2002

[footage from Narita bus trips]

We arrived in Tokyo today, and everything has changed.
But I still have the feeling of coming home.

Even the language, which at one time seemed so impossible, floods my head instantly.

When the Japanese feel nostalgic they feel "Natsukashii"

I rode the bus from Narita Airport into the city...a two hour ride. When the jet lag hits, it's like falling into a dream of Tokyo. You have to close your eyes and settle into it.

This is where it begins.

[continue on with bus shot w/ no v.o. for a while]

I'm looking for something out here, but I'm not sure what.
Something about the Cowboys who come here...
the gaijin...
the foreign men who leave everything behind and cross oceans.

I'm sure they come for the money, but...somehow that doesn't seem quite right.

It's only the first layer.
But it's the one I'll start with.

[gap here]

There's a guy I know from my time in Japan...came here in the early nineties...just after the bubble had burst.

Back in America, he had been corn fed on the idea that Japan was a place to make your fortune...
despite the economy.

It was a land of opportunity and freedom.

In the beginning of the 21st Century, my friend owns one of Tokyo's top indigenous headhunting firms,

so he's plugged into both the gaijin and the Japanese professional communities.

I wanna know if living on the post-modern urban frontier has lived up to his expectations. I wanna know if money bought him freedom and peace.

Love from a Cowboy

Brent sent this along:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TSWaKWiAhY

In Tokyo you are released from the pain of hating yourself. You come home.

Voice Over

Been working on the voice over lately. Trying to find the right tone. I've been writing overly poetic, I think. Yesterday I experimented with a more journal-like tone, and it seems to be working. I also had this idea of using the voice over as a process of discovery. What did I go there to find? Something about the Cowboys and what causes them to cross oceans to get to Tokyo. Money, Opportunity, Freedom, Peace. This is the journey that they take. And this can be illustrated by the voice over.

On the Shoulder of a Giant

Shooting the BBQ

Inside Cloudy's Brain

Jackie and the Lizard

Arcade

Shooting at World Family

White Balance

Eye of the Cloud

Check out Cloudy's new website.

Sunday

Voice Over

They all went looking for something...
more...
different.
Adventure
Freedom
Money
Fame
A sense of belonging.
They went to find themselves.

They traveled to the wild, wild East
to Tokyo:
the postmodern urban frontier.
They brought what they could carry
always arriving invited

Tokyo welcomes all those with
college degrees
achievement in arts or sport
or
those who can labor at something
that the Japanese cannot.

They tasted of her many fruits
and they were
intoxicated.

And there was always more.
She is ever constructing new realities

And they stayed...
And they tried to find a place...
And they made her the home of the
Tokyo Cowboys.

How Can I?

March Update

Dear Friends of Tokyo Cowboys,

I hope this update finds you healthy and happy. I apologize for not being in touch with ya'll for a while, but things have been busy on the Tokyo Cowboys frontier.

Since my last missive, Patrick and I have been working steadily towards the first cut, and we are right on target for our July 31st deadline. The structure is finally coming together, and I can see a big super nova at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks to the kindness of two of our initial investors, we are FULLY FUNDED! There are no more Tokyo Cowboys shares available for purchase. (You can, however, get them off investors for a much higher price than the original. We plan to be trading on the LSE soon.) This last push will take the project through to completion. If you are an investor and do not have a contract or a Certificate of Ownership, which includes an official Japanese inkan stamp, please email me.

I am steadily working on the marketing plan, however much it takes a back seat to the editing. As you know, until a big fish comes along and swallows us whole, we are marketing as an independent film without all the big studio muscle. That means grass roots efforts. I would like to ask all of you to be on the lookout for festivals, grants, news or grass roots' marketing ideas. If you see anything in whatever you're reading or watching that might help us to get Tokyo Cowboys to market, please email it along.

As always, I will be posting as vigorously as possible on the Tokyo Cowboys Blog (www.tokyocowboys.blogspot.com). We will also be uploading new clips to the website as we cut them (but not too much...we don't want to give away the ending!).

Thank you for continuing to support us with all of your emails, calls, visits and efforts.

Hugs,

Daneeta
Director/Producer
Tokyo Cowboys

The Wall

Spent a bit of time working on the wall today. It's a paper edit of sorts but it takes up the entire length of wall in our hallway. I can put all the pieces together. As soon as I get me hot rockin' Nokia 6280 as a thank you from T-Mobile for being a loyal customer, I will take pics and post here.

That is all.

Beginning Voice Over

It's not that I'm a Japan-o-phile.
It's Tokyo I love.
I recognize brilliance when I see it.
It's the greatest city on the planet...
one of our finest and most intricate creations.

Tokyo is Japan's answer to the Atom bomb.
a polite and resounding:
"fuck you."

Understand this city, and you might crack the enigmatic Japanese.

A two thousand year old culture that grew fat with hubris, was destroyed and then
reinvented itself...
again and again and again.

Tokyo is constantly reinventing herself.

And you are a part of it.
She calls you to her.
You are one of her...chosen.

and you make your way to her however you can.
across oceans and land and time
eschewing your own construct
and joining with her
in
the
great
human
experiment.

She promises you everything...
"It's all here for you," she says.
Devote yourself to her, she says.
Become part of her.

So I did.
But...

The freedom was overwhelming...
it was too much,
and I broke under the pressure

leaving

the
postmodern
urban
frontier.

clinched teeth bit out the promise
"I'll never go back."

But, she said:
"It's not like that. It's not like that at all."

She said:
"Let me show you...Let me tell you the true stories of the Tokyo Cowboys."

The Shares have Gone

We have just received into the Tokyo Cowboys account the final round of funding. This will take us up to the July 31st finish line, folks. The funding comes from two existing Tokyo Cowboys investors who wanted to up their shares in the project. Thanks to you both, we are good to go!

A Beginning and an End

Patrick and I have started to have meetings outside of the "office." This works better for us as it frees up the flow of ideas. At our meeting today, we brainstormed 5 possible beginnings and chose our favorite one to pursue. I won't write it here as I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I am extremely excited about it. It's going to be something completely different from other films about Tokyo, which is something we are aiming for

We also came up with the idea of starting off with the concept of "alien" and ending with the concept of "home." I haven't worked this out completely, but I think it might be a good avenue to pursue. With this in mind, I've started to think of an ending.

I've been trying to figure out how to use the Japanese interviews. I have this idea of using them as "interludes"...the tatami mat maker, the new wave tea master, the juku...all of these would be interludes with voice over. My voice over fading in and out and their voice over fading in and out. My reference for this is some of the God Speed music I've been listening to.

Ghosts

Dear Mr. Marker,

I'm thinking about the marginalization of the white, male, heterosexual. Here is where they can feel special...where they are a rarity. Here is where they are truly free. Sandra says that Japan attracts people that don't fit into their own countries. We are like ghosts in their machine. Boo!

Fire

We are half asleep when the fire trucks arrive. Someone's forgotten to put the BBQ out, and it catches the surfboard on fire. Firemen, policemen, the neighbors...everybody is out to see what the gaijin did.

Little Gifts

The first time we take the train with Cloudy, he puts his hammock up. I'm ashamed to admit it, but when he does this I think he's doing it for the camera. But, then something amazing happens. It starts out with a few brave young men, spurred on by drink and a desire to speak what little English they remember from school. They strike up a conversation. I nearly fall off my seat. This just doesn't happen in Japan. Absolute strangers are carrying on a conversation in the train. Not only that, the Japanese person instigated the conversation and the person he is talking to is a gaijin. You can't imagine how scandalous this is. How reckless. How utterly sublime.

During the months we spend with Cloudy, this happens again and again. He puts up the hammock, and the locals talk to him. It helps that he speaks a bit of Japanese. When no one talks to him, he kicks it off by recognizing the curious glances. Then he asks if they want to have a go in his hammock. I've seen only one man refuse, but he was really drunk. I suspect he was afraid of falling out.

Maybe it's because the Japanese are polite and think it would be rude to refuse. Cloudy says that when they go home they will tell their husband or wife or mother or father about him. But I think it's the opposite. I think they will hold this little gift in their hearts and keep it all for themselves. In future, They will search out the memory and use it for what purpose, I don't know. But it will be just for them.

We Can Know Various Truths

Yoji's T-shirt says "We can know various truths." I am standing in the middle of Shinjuku 2-chome. It's 6 square blocks of the sovereign nation of Japanese queer. It's also the safest place for us to skin up. I ask him what the English on his shirt means. "I don't know," he says. "I bought it because I like the design." In the middle of the conversation, I feel dizzy. I have to nip around the corner and throw up in the shrubbery. A couple of boys walk by and giggle. I look up from the vomit. It's Cowboy Tom from the World Family show with Cloudy. He winks at me and walks on. We can know various truths.

Bits from the Voice Over

Just drafts, but here are some bits I'm been working on:

By accident, we stumble across the shrine dedicated to aborted fetuses. So many of them. Tokyo is a big city. The whole time we are there, only men come to pray to the statues. Somehow this makes it more tragic. I make up stories about the children they have lost. Were the forced to discard them placing their little souls in cold stone for all eternity? Finally, they send a novice priest out to say "no!" He is uncharacteristically firm for a local. I feel he wants to give me a piece of his mind, so I pretend not to speak Japanese. I am ashamed.

Eye of the Cloud

Worked some more on the stories tonight. I was working mostly on Cloudy's story. The first draft went something like this:

Cloudy is a standup comedian. He's dating a girl named Kaori. He takes her to his beach house. They break up. Cloudy starts dating the ALF girl.

For the second draft, I've written up to the end of our first night with Cloudy. It's already 10 pages long. But, I started to discover something. Most of what I'm writing is just to put my writer's mind into context. Then suddenly something comes out that I can use.

What it felt like to leave Cloudy's flat that first night...tanked, in the streets of Shibuya at 2 a.m. It's choc-o-block with young locals. They are spilling out of the clubs and giggling...still high from the music and the dancing and the e. We wave to a group of them on the way back to Sandra's. "Gudo ibuningu," they shout. "Oyasumi!" we shout back. And time slips away and I can almost see Tokyo 100, 200, 300 years ago...all at the same time. It's a humid September night, and the road is dusty. I can smell yaki iimo. And, we're just all trying to find our way home.

Asking the Questions

The first question is: How can I complete Tokyo Cowboys by the end of July of this year?

Last night I spent a good deal of time working on the story. It feels like it's going on forever, but I'm working on transforming my vocabulary. Instead of "going on forever," it's "moving right along." I still haven't decided who will make the cut and who won't. What's very clear is that not everybody can stay in. That would be a 4 hour rambling film that just wouldn't be accessible to most people. And, one think I'm sure about is that I want to make it accessible. No matter how beautiful and moving Chris Marker's film is, it is not accessible to a general audience. That having been said, Tokyo Cowboys must maintain it's poetry. I will not sacrifice that. Well, I wouldn't say sacrifice because I believe that a general audience would be open to poetry. With all of the shit going on in the world right now, we could use a little poetry.

"American Movie"...now that was an accessable documentary. It just didn't get seen by a massive audience because of poor marketing and the fact that it was before the big documentary fashion. It started the trend.

Anyway, I'm writing out all of the stories just in case. I feel close to inter-cutting them together, but there's still the fine tuning. There's also a bit of funding to raise in the form of grants. There are also £6000 worth of shares still left. Our goal is to finish by July. This is certainly possible, but it would be a whole lot easier with money. Isn't that always the case? Patrick and I could dedicate more time to it. I wouldn't be so tired in the evenings. Sometimes I'm so tired from the day job, that I must do some serious motivational hoo hah before I can start to write.

I'm applying for the JUSFC grant again if they let me. I'm applying for the Women in Film grant. It's only a maximum of $5000, but that would get us grading.

The other question I need to start asking myself is: How can I effectively market Tokyo Cowboys to sales agents and distributors? Are those the right people to be targeting? Perhaps I should back up and think of the real goal. Besides communicating my vision, which is to have as many people as possible watching the film and getting it, what are the other goals? A) (and these are in no particular order...A) get investors their money back, B) Make a big enough profit to entice them again for the next project, C) interest people (influential people) in me as a filmmaker so that I can make more films. Very tall orders, but if we don't ask the questions, how will we find any answers? Marketing, marketing, marketing. I'm reading the Marketing book nearly every day to get prepared.

Really tired now. Time to sleep.

The Plan from Now

Yesterday Patrick and I met to talk about the plan for Tokyo Cowboys now that we've reached character assembly.

1) Intercut Characters

• Write out each character's story in prose
  
• What happens?
• Is there a reversal?

2) Cowboy Voice Over

• Transcribe remaining Interviews
• Go through all transcripts and draft Voice Over

3) Narration

4) Tokyo Footage (Transitions)

5) Japanese bits

6) Beginning and Ending

I re-watched Ken's and Mark's footage. Ken's story is there. Mark's isn't so clear. At first I was really frustrated...all huffing and puffing until Patrick came down from the loft and asked what the hell was the matter with me. There is no arc with Mark. I know it's in the footage, it's just not in what we've cut so far. But, I shouldn't be frustrated by this. I should be happy...happy that I know what needs to be done with Mark's footage. I must congratulate us for coming this far. I must motivate the truths.

I thank God for every effing day I spend on Tokyo Cowboys...oo rah.

Master Class

I've been taking these documentary Master Classes up at the film school in the evenings. Yesterday, I went to Marc Isaacs' class. I did a class with Marc last term as well. His films really inspire me. They are more thematic than narrative, and they are quite poetic, subtle and emotional. He's quite skilled as a filmmaker, although he's not formerly trained. It makes me wonder how much formal training is really worth.

Both times, Marc was kind enough to talk to me after. He's very supportive and even sent us kind words while we were in Sweden. I like talking to him because he's advanced further down the road but not so far that he doesn't have time to help those just starting out.

Today, I watched the character assemblies for the first time. It was amazing. Before watching them, I felt that things were just all over the place. I felt like the film was so disjointed. But now I can see the stories presenting themselves...the true stories of the Tokyo Cowboys. I felt really great after watching the assemblies, and I've got renewed excitement about the project.

Pictures of Eric

Cloudy has sent along some pictures of Eric on her travels. Here they are.

Moving Along

Patrick cleaned up the two sequences I cut of Nice Guyjin...them in the fish market and them hanging in the studio. Patrick is so kick ass. I gave him a 10 minute rambling mess, and he came back with two finished sequences.

Have been thinking about the head hunters again, and I realized that I have to put them back in. They add something to the piece. We are looking for cowboys, and they are part of that search.

Been working on the concept capsule

Tokyo Cowboys...a modern day western set on the post modern urban frontier...Howard says this one is crap, so back to the drawing board. But the metaphore is the western...hmmm...do more research on the western.

Thinking about Roger

Cut Nice Guyjin at the Fish Market yesterday. It was the first time we shot all three of them together. They were like a breath of fresh air. And they started to turn things around for me. They reminded me about some of the great things about Tokyo.

I'm thinking about how to construct scenes. There are so few scenes where the characters are not talking to camera. It's just the way it is, so I have to use that to my advantage instead of moaning about it. How can I used that in an interesting way? How can I use that to communicate to the audience. I have to think like the audience is along for the ride. The characters are always talking to us (Patrick and me). But we represent the audience, so it's as if the characters are talking to the audience directly. I need to experiment with that, find the rhythm and the poetry in that. It has something to do with making each person in the audience feel like they are sitting in that room with us, or walking in the fish market with the Nice Guyjin. They have to experience it like we were experiencing it when we were shooting.

Why did I go back there? Why did I want to make this film? What did I want to communicate? What was my intention? In Tokyo, things seemed to happen to me...that's how I felt. I felt that I had no control. But there were people that did have control...or they seemed to. They were the cowboys. They had money, they had lifestyle, they had a life that was like a dream...a fantasy. How did they do it? What was it about them? What qualities did they have? they looked like average normal guys. They were average normal guys.

I had to find out, so I went to Tokyo looking for the cowboys...and this is what I found. Now that's sort of the beginning (not to say that it has to come at the beginning of the film). I went to Tokyo looking for the cowboys...the Tokyo cowboys. then I have to define a cowboy. Then I go through all these guys looking for that. And, in the end, do I find it? Him?

Back up a bit...define a Tokyo Cowboy. Western guy, arrives in Tokyo while still quite young...looking for opportunity, adventure, a new start...a start as they are young and don't know what they are looking for. The post modern urban frontier. It's different from the other frontiers where there is nothing but wide open spaces. The PM urban frntier has broadband and...well everything. And, it's sitting on thousands of years of recorded history. All that choice, all that opportunity, all that freedom. Only the strong survive.

In the end, Tokyo is the star of the movie.

I knew this guy in Tokyo...gaijin. He started up one of the first ISPs in Japan. I met him at the beginning of his adventure. He became so successful--beyond his wildest dreams. When I left Japan, he was about to retire at something like 42. I remember the last time I saw him. He was so happy. He was about to start the rest of his life.

A few months later he was dead...murdered. He'd gone back to America...Los Angeles I think. He was looking around for opportunities. That's where they got him. I don't know what that means, but it means something.

Over there it's safe. It's like a dream. And here...that's like the real world. It's sometimes too real for people.

Journey

I want it to feel like the audience has gone on this journey with us. But, doesn't that mean they have to be coming from the same place as us? They have to begin where we begin. Actually having trouble with the beginning. I have most of the assembly in place...that's all of the middle bits. I have an ending...but beginning. Isn't that always the hardest part?

Start with words then find the pictures. They are surely there.

Good things Brewing

Been transcribing again. Looking forward to finishing at the film school on Tuesday of next week. Then off to Sweden on Wed. to do a recky for the Rockhammar short we're doing next October. Back on Sunday. Then I can dedicate full time to Tokyo Cowboys until about the 2nd week in January when I have to go back to work again. Patrick may get a good gig early next year which would mean I could work full time on Cowboys until July. Cross your fingers for us everyone.

Back in the Saddle Again

Finally settled back into London, and Patrick has started cutting again. I went back to work at the Film School to bring some money in. Patrick is getting gigs here and there. A one-day gig for Patrick yields one week’s worth of wages I get from the Film School, but the school is steady work.

We are very close to an assembly with some 57 sequences cut, but not there yet. It’s all going to come together with the writing, so I’ve got to find time between working full time and taking care of the production side of things to get in some quality writing.

What is clear, though, is that after taking nearly a month off from the footage, I can objectively say that the stuff is cutting together very nicely and we have something special.

Cowboy News

Nice Guyjin have been ranked #11 on Japanese itunes in the category of Rab/Hip Hop.

A Bit All Over the Place

Finally back in London! Rolled into Rob's at 4:30. Caught up. Friday morning, Patrick and I excitedly boarded the bus in anticipation of seeing the flat. We waited out on Old Compton Street for the agent to show. But, when he did, he had just gotten off the phone with the news that his nan had just died! He took us up to the flat, and it was the wrong one. But, the poor guy was in such a state that we could do nothing about it.

The other flat was already taken. I was a little pissed at Adam as he was supposed to see the flat two days earlier, but he couldn't because of work.

We've got an appt. on Monday to see two others near Holborn station. One, says the agent, is the size of a football field. I'll believe it when I see it.

I will not be beaten! We will find a flat in central, and it will be cool.

P's job has been put back a week, but that will give him the opportunity to re-acquaint himself with the software.

Patrick and I have been together for nearly 4 years.

Mom wants us home for Christmas. How am I going to manage it.

Things I Don't Spend Money On

On the boat back to London. Got up at 5 a.m. to make the 3 hour drive to Gothenberg to get the boat. Couldn't sleep last night anyway. Stayed at Goren's, and he has mice...it's a farm! They were running around all night. We had to sleep with the light on, and then they were quiet.

Made two appts to see flats on Friday.

We're both really looking forward to being back in London. My plans? Work up at the film school as many days as they will let me. Editing at night. Writing on the weekends. Patrick got put up for a job by R. It's asst. editing, and it pays quite well, so we are excited about that.

Just want to get settled in a flat, activate our love film account, get out UGC cinema cards back and start editing again. Staying at R and H's for two weeks until we get a flat.

As for my idea about publishing in London, I wrote down 20 ideas. I bought the "Writer's Yearbook," and I'm going to give it a go. If I can get published here, that will be three countries who have published my work. I'd love to get some of the poetry published, but I will take just about anything. In Tokyo, I had to do loads of writing for free before I got my paid gigs. I don't think it will be any different in London.

I feel that this coming year has good things in store for Patrick and me. A better quality of life, some regular money...it would be nice to actually make a living as opposed to just scraping by. Here is a list of things that we haven't spent money on in years:

hair cuts--why pay for them when you can do them yourself (in P's case) or not at all (in my case)
the dentist--floss and brush after every meal, no sweets, powerful mouthwash
dining out--why when you can cook
CDs--borrow them
DVDs--ibid
Books--ibid
make up--never wore it anyway
clothes--hand-me-downs from fashionable friends
shoes--they last for years
socks--I'm a darn good darner
underwear--ibid
hair gel--shaved head and long hair need none
gym--walk faster

Things that I give up meals for:

the cinema
the TV license

I think our financial situation will get better in the coming year. I'd like to stop begging for money. I mean, what makes me different from the beggars on the street. I'm using the money begged to pay rent, while they are using it to buy smack. One man's rent is another man's smack.

Small Things of Note

Spent the day yesterday transcribing the Ueno footage of Nice Guyjin. Had a phone call with Channel 4 telling me what they were expecting for the pitch.

The Next Best Day

Yesterday, Channel 4 called. I've been short listed for the Channel 4 Sheffield Documentary Pitch for another idea I had. That was a bit unexpected, but very nice. I told her I was in Sweden and had to figure out how to get back to London. So, booked a flight on Ryan Air to go back to London next week.

CA gave me a contact for a Japanese marketing company in London. Who knows what will come out of it, but it's worth an introductory email.

Our patron came through with some money as well. This allowed me to pay off the overdraft debt on my account, which has been hanging over my head for a year. My account is now zeroed out. It seems like the plan is working. NV Peale suggests cultivating a relaxed trust in God. Prayerize, Pictureize, Actualize. When you have a problem in your life, talk it over with God,test it according to his will. Now I'm sounding like a mad Jesus freak, but I do have a strong faith, and it does work when I'm not whinging, so who cares?

The Best Day of my Life

Got up late and spent until 4 p.m. sending off emails. It's amazing all of the admin work that goes along with making a film. It's enough to drive one's creativity away.

Started to edit the first meeting with Scott. I thought I'd give it a go at Patrick's suggestion. I did a very rough assembly that clicks in at over 10 mins., but it was good for me. The first step is the assembly, and that's just cutting out all the crap and leaving all of the potentially good stuff in.

I worked a little on my goals as well...just the planning part...the financial goal. Trying to think about paying us first...that is, socking away 10% of everything we make before paying any bills. It's a really good habit to get into. Still working on our budget, which is a challenge because we don't have any income as of yet. It's weird...it's like I have to think about how much it will take for us to live in London and then figure out how to make that figure monthly. I guess we could live more cheaply if we moved out of zone 1, but central is our home. And, with my NOLA home gone, I just want to be in a place where I feel comfortable.

Trying to find flats on the Internet. Can't rely on Adam. He's working flat out and doesn't have time to look at places.

I'm going to cut more stuff myself...particularily the interviews. The best way is to transcribe, log what is good and then do a rough assembly...like I did with Scott's interview.

Two new investors. It's a Godsend. But after these two, we'll only have £6000 left in the initial budget to raise. Can I finsih the film with £6000? Maybe. But, it's gonna take a lot of work...a lot of begging. Maybe do something with sweat equity.

If Patrick could just get one good gig a month, we could live off of that. But, he's been trying for over a year to break in, and he only started getting good gigs right before he left. Now, he may have to start all over again.

Haven't had a shower in days. This could end up being the best day of my life.

Put everything into little boxes...

Finished transcribing Scott's interview yesterday. That was it. I was in a mood all day. Patrick cut the singing sequence where Dave and Hiromi are practicing for the new band that Dave wants to create with him and his fiance. I'm going to cut the first meeting with Scott...look for the cinematic elements.

I wonder...I wonder...I wonder if I can get the assembly done by the end of December. That's another three months. If I can get all of the sequences cut by ...hold on there. We've cut 43 sequences...8 weeks...that's 5 sequences per week. But, when we go back, we won't be free all of the time...so expect maybe 3 sequences a week...anyway. I should work it all out scientific-like so it's a realistic schedule to work from, but that's so depressing because at this rate, I'll be cutting for the rest of my bloody life. But, that's one of the important steps of goal setting....know where you are and know what needs to be done between now and when you want to accomplish your goal. But sometimes I feel really overwhelmed. There's all the creative stuff, and then there's the day to day crap like budgeting and money and just plain planning one's own life. It can be overwhelming.

I remember Brad Bartz, my old boss at IAC. He told me to put everything in little boxes in my head and only open one box at a time. I'm dividing them up into departments. There's the admin department, the creative department, the development department. There's the CEO. there's the personal assistant. There's the Chef, the physical trainer, the finance officer. And we're working together to run the industry that is me. I've just opened a new division...the publishing division which will try to get myself published in England. My personal assistant (me) is finding me a flat. Maybe I can use her to help me cope.

Booked the boat to go back on the 19th/20th.
Had a nice walk in the forest.

I was really testy yesterday...not thankful at all. The thing is, if I manage to just get up in the morning, then I should be thankful. And, then I get to write for an hour! That's even better. And then there's coffee and buns! And there's Tokyo Cowboys...even better.

Scott, JJ and Dave...the guys. I know the story, but how does it relate to the greater story of finding freedom on the post modern urban frontier? There's the control issue.

I've lost myself again.

Giving Patrick the Day Off

Couldn't really work yesterday. That's not so true. I transcribed part of Scott's first interview...about an hour's worth of the three hour interview. What was I thinking? I had planned to do some planning for Nice Guyjin, but it just wasn't coming. I had a lack of immagination. And now Patrick is asking me "what are we gonna cut today?" Big Momma's House? Scott's interview? But I haven't even gone through the footage yet. It's all part of the process...all part of it. Just calm the fuck down.

I can look at the footage again today. Maybe give Patrick another day off to work on "Daybreak." And just finish the Scott footage. Then I can have more of a hand in it. Just see how that works. Slow it down just a bit. And write. I should write, yes? Everything is going to work out for the best. It always does. Yes sir, it does. So, what about Scott? What about Nice Guyjin? What about the film...the story?

I went to find Cowboys on the post modern urban frontier. I went to find freedom. I heard...I thought they had a monopoly on freedom. But what was that? I was discovering that there was no one definition. There were as many definitions of freedom as there were people. So, I went through their mini-narratives trying to define it for myself...trying to find my own mini-narrative. I could pick and choose from theirs. What did I discover? Just that...there is no one definition of freedom. You can't define it universally. There is no Truth with a capital "T."

It's a personal story, sure. It's a journey back to Tokyo. But what is my relationship with Tokyo, and what new things do these characters show me about Tokyo...about the post-modern urban frontier? I hated Tokyo. I was reluctant to go back. But, there was something calling me back. Tokyo is calling me back. She'd been calling me back since the moment I left..."no, that's not the way it is. You've got it all wrong. I'm not the city of broken dreams. I am the city that fulfills dreams." So I went back because I had to. It just wouldn't let go. I thought I'd had it bad...that all of this freedom and opportunity had been the death of me. That it was all just too much.

But, the guys...the cowboys...they seemed to be able to handle it. They seemed to embrace it. And, there's something about control that Patrick and I were talking about yesterday.

Anyway, cutting today...I think I might wait. Give Patrick the day off.

Struggle vs. Fun

Getting more and more anxious about getting back to London. It looks like the flatmate won't be able to find a place on his own. Too busy with work, and he can only look at places on the weekend. Estate agents aren't open on weekends, so, we're a bit effed.

I was thinking yesterday about struggle. It doesn't have to be a struggle. It can be fun. It's only a choice...or so they say. But, remember this? Remember Christmas morning when you were a kid? Remember Christmas Eve and hardly being able to sleep? Ah, but there's no presents, you say. There's this other thing that my step bros used to do in the middle of muggy southern Louisiana summers. We'd go out into the garage and partition ourselves off from each other. Then we'd wrap stuff up in newspaper and make ribbons out of whatever was available. Then we'd give each other the presents. After opening our presents and saying thank you, we'd do it all over again. It didn't matter that they were wrapped in newspaper or that the present was an old rusty wrench (or spanner for you brits). It was almost just like Christmas. Almost.

I must do something with all of the anger and disappointment. And that something is in my films. It's in my writing. It's what gives me a voice.

Today is planning day. Nice Guyjin and Dave. When I first met them, I was really fed up with the headhunters. They seemed like a breath of fresh air. They seemd like they had something that the HHs didn't have. They were engaging. They were on top of the world. They were gonna sell a million records. We were swept up in it all. I was swept up. I just wanted to spend all my time with them. They made me feel...they made me love Japan again. They made me remember how much fun it could be. They hadn't grown up. Dave even said he felt like an 8 year old. They hadn't become serious about anything. The HHs were damned serious. Was it the money? Was it the fact that if they let their concentration slep for one minute, they might lose a couple of million (yen, that is). It was the performer/businessman dichotomy I guess. They could be crazy because they were performers. But Ken was having fun with the HH stuff. Getting confused now.

OK, when I met Scott, he was like a breath of fresh air. I met Scott through Bryan. Do I have to show Bryan? Anyway, I met Scott. And he was preaching this new kind of freedom: "Mainichi Nichiyobi" (everyday Sunday). I wanted to believe. I really wanted to, but something was bothering me. These guys were set up becaouse of Big Momma. They had a studio in their swank house in the Senju. They were very thankful to their patron, but they had a patron. It at least gives one pause. There was this other thing. The spirit of independence. They wanted to be on their own. They wanted to break from the system...the Japanese system. The music label they had been under was too restrictive. And, another thing...independence...

The Dark Side

Patrick is saying the way to increase the power of the film is to make it highly personal. I agree. But, I must be conscious to avoid self-indulgence. Thinking about my relationship with Tokyo. When I left there in 2000, I thought I'd never go back. Tokyo, I thought, had been responsible for everything that had gone wrong in my life. I had gone crazy in Tokyo. I had lost myself. But there was something...it was part of me. It had changed me...given me super hero powers. I needed to go back to recharge and to find something.

I knew these guys in Tokyo. They had lots of money...they had nice pads. I thought they had a monopoly on freedom. And so did they. But, the definition of freedom kept changing. It was as elusive as Tokyo herself. At first I thought that freedom was having a lot of money. I asked these guys "does money buy freedom?" And they all agreed that money did indeed buy freedom because it allowed you to do what you wanted when you wanted. You could, for example, "buy yourself into TV" according to Ken. You could buy a little island and have concubines. So, I thought the headhunting cowboys had freedom because they had a lot of money. They rode around Tokyo in flash cars, and they had rolexes and beautiful women. But they didn't seem free. They seemed enslaved by the job. And, as much as they talked about how exciting making the deal was, it was all tied up in the money. They wouldn't be doing the job if it weren't for the money. And most of them...all they wanted to do was cash out. Or, like Jason, they had to "trick" themselves into believing it was fun.

I'm looking for cowboys on the post modern urban frontier. Here's the story: I go there to look for cowboys--men who are free. And burning through an array of characters, I discover what true freedom is, and I discover what it is to be a cowboy.

Mini-narratives
Individual Modes of Expression

What did I discover about freedom on the post modern urban frontier? Freedom is in your head. It's mental. Just like the rough is mental. And the cowboys were each communicating their own brand of truth about freedom.

Still missing something. What's the feeling there? You feel like anything's possible. And, if anything is possible because you've seen it and you've talked to people in the pub who've achieved it, then you take more risks to achieve your anything. You might as well live out your wildest fantasies because it is possible and no one will judge you for it. Now that's freedom. But, there's always a dark side. Don't forget the dark side.

In the end, Tokyo called me back home like the siren she is. There's food and sake and women. There's broadband internet and video messaging and beer machines. It's safe and it's clean and you can have oodles of fun. Everyone's nice, and you can earn wads of cash just because you happen to be a native English speaker. And, yes, there's a dark side. It is, after all, the land of the rising sun so the darkness will always be there behind the sun. But you don't have to look at it because the darkness is within you and so is the light.

I guess the worst thing

...was that I learned about it on the website...not getting the JUSFC grant, that is. The letter was en route from LFS, but I thought I'd check out the website to see if there was any news. They had posted the awardees, and the TC name was not on the list. I suppose I'm disappointed. But, not too much. It was a long shot anyway. The letter stated the reasons: funding restrictions and committment to other projects. I may apply again in the Spring with a lower budget.

As we know, one door closes and another one opens. I'm looking for that open door now. I've been repeating my new mantra "the rough is only mental." It helps.

Pre-occupied with finding a flat. We've decided that if Adam finds a place, we'll move back within two weeks instead of staying until the end of October. We're both hankering to get back to London and immerse ourselves in the thick of things.

40 years old, and I don't feel as if I've found the road yet. But, patience my dear. A lot of times we're on the road, and we don't even realize it. I have the stamina to take the long and winding road. Just keep cutting, keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

I'm concerned about going back to work at the film school. I love the job. I love the people. But, it takes time away from Tokyo Cowboys. So, I'll just have to get better at managing my energy. Write in the early mornings, Film School Job during the day, cut at night.

Finding the Good Poo

Praise the Lord! The patron is gonna come through! He promised to send us money next week. That's part of our problems solved.

Again, spent the day going over loads of footage while Patrick cut the Telephone English sequence with Dave and Cloudy. He's going to cut the BBQ party today. That's when Cloudy's BBQ set the roof on fire and the police and fire brigade came. He also burned to a crisp one of his prized surfboards. A little concerned about this sequence. There are some great shots particularly when one of the Japanese girls set her hair on fire letting off a bottle rocket and Cloudy shooting fire works out of one of his mate's butts. But the music was playing the whole time: Led Zeppelin and Rolling Stones. Can't afford those music rights (especially the Stones who are said to charge upwards of 1 million US dollars for a snippet of their music.

Extremely tired today. Worried about finding a flat. Worried about money. Worried that the film is going to be crap. But, that's just stupid. The film's gonna be great. But, it's all down to me now. The writing is what's going to tie it all together...create drama...make poetry. Haven't been able to write for days. But, that's not really true, either. I write every morning for an hour or two. And I write here. But, nothing for the film. I know this happens. I know that you write and write and you have nothing. Then, all of a sudden, you get pages and pages of good stuff. I've never had writer's block. I've have writer's diarrhea. It's finding the good poo in all the diarrhea that's the challenge for me.

Been working on goals. Thinking about my 5 year goals and my 10 year goals. One of my 10 year goals is to become an industry...like Martha Stewart or Elle Macpherson...employing family and friends alike...supporting them. I'll be 50 then.

Do Not Fear

Did loads of footage review yesterday. I asked Cloudy about why foreigners were so successful in Tokyo. It seems like everyone we meet is successful, I said. He said that there were more markets to exploit. I was thinking about this just the other day. What markets could I exploit in London. It was easy in Tokyo.

Spoke to Shirley at LFS yesterday. She said there was loads of work for me to do there, so I'm gonna get the PT job back when I go back to the UK. I am thankful for that. It will at least help us pay the rent.

Waiting for two investments to come through, and waiting for word from our Patron. If those and the deposit come back, we can make it to the end of January. If not...well, just don't want to really think about that. Just one break...if we could get this grant, we could be so finished by summer of next year. But, hope is waning. I have to be realistic. Had they awarded us the grant, we would have heard from them by now surely. And, if not from them then from our fiscal sponsor.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Can't remember if it was Kennedy or Roosevelt who said that, and I'm too lazy to look it up. But, I've been contemplating that. Is the fear the thing which causes failure? Fear is the thing that can crush our dreams. Fear can make us do some really stupid things. And so I say to myself...DO NOT FEAR DANEETA. Or, turn fear into excitement. They have the same physical sensation...quickening of the heart, shortness of breath, the need to pee. Feel excited not fearful. And, I've got a new day ahead of me...a new day...Oh Brave New World!

Wheat and Chaff

Got one step closer to getting the deposit back from the landlord. That gets us one step closer to getting back to London. Money...I was obsessing about it yesterday. How did money become something as important as food or air? This stupid piece of colored paper. Yet, you won't last long without it. Look at the bums in the street and the starving kids in Africa.

Contacted 30 Real Estate agents today about flats in London. Both Patrick and I are dead set on moving back to Covent Garden/Holborn area. Our friends think we are insane, and I come up with all of these excuses about why we want to move back to Central: but lookit, in the end, it's our home. And, after being homeless for 2 months out in Swederland and losing my New Orleans home, I just want to be in my adopted home of central London. My other trump card, though, is that I'm lucky with flats. I always have been. I'm dreaming about a warehouse, but that might be going just a bit too far. Should I mention that I dreamed about my other two flats in London before I found them? Kind of spooky.

Looked through loads of footage again. Just trying to separate the wheat from the chaff. Patrick is cutting like mad. Here are the Cloudy sequences we've cut so far:

Cloudy at the Arcade
Mobile Montage
Teaching at the Handicapped School
Comedy Gig at the Fiddler
World Family Show
Private English Lesson with Balloon Kids

Still no word about the grant. Lesley says it hasn't even come to the film school yet. I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm a bit scared. If we don't get the grant, how will we continue? Do we just continue like we have been? Work at odd jobs until we save up enough money to have a 3 month stint somewhere to edit? At that rate, this thing...this monster...this effing beast will take another two or three years. I must find another way. I must finish this thing. I must!

The Plan

Strange dreams last night about looking for flats and trying to get my job back at LFS.

Went into town on Friday and spent the evening with Frederick and Jacob. They were nice and asked a lot about the project, but I somehow think that they just don't get us. I think it's the problem that most people have with what we do and was so succinctly expressed by my Mother's husband: "why don't you get a job?" By that, he meant a job that has a regular income where you pay into a social security scheme, etc. Yeah. A job. I've tried that a bazillion times. It's just not for me. I'm too stubborn, and I don't plan on changing.

Grocery shopping on Saturday, and Karin took us to the University so that I could use the broadband Internet connection to research grants and other ways to make money...namely publishing. When I was in Japan, I was publishing sometimes 5-6 times a month. I haven't done anything since then, and I am itching to do it. Poetry seems to be big these days...some publications are ONLY accepting poetry. So, I dusted off the old poetry bone and popped out a few. It's interesting how my poetry changes in tone as my life passes before my very eyes.

Get money to finish this f*cker. Where can I get money to finish Tokyo Cowboys? That's the question...the one big question. I need a plan...need a plan.

Gambaru

Joe and Sylvie are coming by today to pick mushrooms and then take us into town to stay with Karin for the night. I'm hoping to get a few hours of Internet research in as well...looking for grants...looking for money. I'm tired of looking for money. Why can't a butt load just drop into my lap so that I can get this thing finished.

Went through a butt load of footage. My head is a little frazzled from it all.

Patrick is looking forward to getting back to London. He's tired of the vagabond lifestyle. He wants to settle. I guess I do too. But, how? Our patron has promised to send money at the end of the month. That would sort out our return home. Sitting on pins and needles. Don't want to beg, don't want to mention it. Hoping that the patron will just do it. Just remember us.

My sleep was erratic last night. Even prayer would not help. It usually does as the source of my insomnia is generally worry. I was thinking about Tokyo and with what ease one can make money there. There is always a way to make money...at the very least, one can teach English for £50 and hour. I could make good money there doing little part time jobs...then save the bulk of my time for the non paid things that I love. Not so in London. In London, I struggle...we struggle. I must find a new word for "struggle." I'm trying to change all of this negative language to positive. Consider the Lilies of the filed...they shall not toil. We don't struggle, we persevere...we gambaru.

3 Dimensional Puzzle

Hopefully the JUSFC grant results will hit LFS today. At the very latest, next week. I don't want to think about what will happen if we don't get it. I don't have to have bad thoughts...satan get behind me. We started cutting Cloudy yesterday. I went through the first 20 or so tapes from the 3rd trip. It's like time-tripping in fast-mo. If I let myself go, I can almost imagine myself back there at that time, in that place. Looking for the true stories of the Tokyo Cowboys on the post-modern urban frontier. Why post-modern? It's a constructed city. It's a mixture of everything the world has to offer. It's like a collage...a mosaic. Look at it from above...from the 44th floor of the Shinjuku Municipal Building...it's like a 3 dimensional puzzle.

Here's the journey: I went to back to the post-modern urban frontier to find cowboys...to find if they had a monopoly on freedom as I had assumed. But all they wanted to do was cash out. And, this didn't seem like a freedom train to me. It seemed like doing time. So, I kept looking, kept digging. Where were the free cowboys? What is freedom? It seemed like Tokyo was the place to have it. As Cloudy says, there are markets in Tokyo that are not available in any other place. I found the guy who could cash out, and what does he do? He buys an old farmhouse in Chiba and does it up. That place looked like heaven to me.

I'm preoccupied with trying to get back to London. We've got some good work done here, but we have to leave by the end of October. Before we can leave, we have to find a flat. So, I've been e-hunting. That takes time...time...time.

Cloudy had been through the whole "Big in Japan" thing. He'd been on the 100 Gaijin Show. He'd done the music video. But something happened. "A lot of people think they have a cash cow with me...until they realize that I'm not gonna do anything I don't want to do." So, Cloudy refused to conform. He's now intent on making it "Big in Japan" one person at a time. He's an edu-tainer. He's a sort of diplomat...an unofficial one.

I guess that's what we all were. The Japanese allowed us in in that capacity. In the beginning it was only diplomats and English teachers...whole generations of Japanese people...the only foreigner they had met was their English teacher. In a weird way, it sets people up...it sets gaijin up as sensei...as teacher. In Japan that's a highly honorable profession. So, here's Cloudy...he has a teaching certificate (unlike most of the English teachers in Japan). And everything is about communication...one person at a time. He's trying to foster a greater level of understanding between gaijin and Japanese. The comedy is a more sophisticated form of communication. He's constantly communicating. He doesn't just sit down in the train. The hammock...Eric...the hair...those are just tools of the trade...the trade of communication. And the performance is a high as well.

Where does Cloudy come in to my quest for cowboys? What are cowboys for me? That's the first thing. When I started shooting, it was about freedom. I thought money bought freedom, so I was shooting the Head Hunters. Maybe it does buy freedom. But, if you've got some money, you just spend it. You get a taste of the good life and you want more...so you work harder, and you make more money, and you're working so hard that you think you deserve some comfort, so you spend some more and then you're no closer to your goal. Something's gotta give. That's the Head Hunters, though.

Maybe freedom is a state of mind. It's like Kanya said, it's in your head...freedom and slavery are in your head.

Eye of the Cloud

Hey Cloudy,

Sorry it's been a while since I've sent you a personal email.

You've been on my mind so much these past few days. I've been time tripping through the Tokyo Cowboys footage. The first night we filmed you was at the Fiddler. After, we got in a taxi with you and Kaori, and you talked about communicating your own brand of truth to one person at a time. The "America" thing was your crusade that night. You said, "In Japan, there are only two types of people in the world...Gaijin (read American) and Japanese. I refuse to be put in a box with all the other foreigners."

It got me thinking about the definition of Cowboy, which I must surely define in the film as people have their own definitions. A Cowboy for me is a person that takes great risks to develop and explore their individual mode of expression. And, then, they communicate to the world their own personal brand of truth.

Anyway, after we got back to your place and Billy was there and his date Makikiko or Michiko and the chubby blonde midwestern girl who'd done her set at Fiddler that night. And, being the professional that I am, I got so wasted that Kaori was saying "are you OK, are you OK?" as I was trying to leave, and you were yelling "leave her alone, she's fine," and that was my introduction to Cloudy B.

But there is an earlier bit that I just discovered while rolling through the footage again. We were at Club Asia in Shibuya shooting a TBL gig. It was small, and there were only about 15 young girl groupies and a handful of Gaijin. As we pan across the groupie crowd, you can see in the background a tiny Cloudy giving the camera the finger. This is before we met you. It was on that night that Patrick noticed you and, acting here in his producer mode, asked Dave "Who's that guy," and Dave said, "That's Cloudy B.," and Patrick said "Can we meet him?" And that's the true story about how things kicked off.

If we get that grant money, we are going to take you up on your offer to continue the edit at your place. So get our room ready. We'll need futons and a Japanese intern.

Hugs so much,

Daneeta

Publicity for TC in Kazuhisa's Book

Dear Kaz,

Thanks for the introduction to the magazine publisher. Yes, it's good to know people in Tokyo anyway...especially female creative types.

Actually, I'm not in London at the moment. I've been in Sweden for the past month and a half editing full time. One of our patrons gave us their summer house for three months. It's been great as we can edit without having to worry about paying rent. I think we will be here until the beginning of November when we will head back to London for a little while.

Yes, thanks for publicizing my film in your book! I googled Tokyo Cowboys the other day, and your website came up (http://www.kinjudo.com/shoseki_oishiku.htm).

Hugs,

Daneeta

The Orange Crane

I had a dream last night. I was my small child self, and I was sitting on the screened in porch of my Grandmother's house. I was trying to make one of those origami paper cranes out of a piece of beautiful orange paper.

My fingers just wouldn't work. Then a voice said "Put that in my hands." And I saw this huge disembodied hand in front of me. I put the paper in the hand and looked toward the source of it, but all I could see was a massive lower half of a body. It reminded me of the bottom half of the Lincoln monument, but only he was wearing blue jeans.

And the orange paper blurred a little like when you are looking at a million leaves on a tree, and they all sort of blend together in a weird mosaic. That's what happened to the paper. And then, there was a crane. The hand urged me to take the crane, which I did. Only, when it was in my hand, it was the crumpled up paper again. I looked at the big empty hand and then at mine. The crumpled up paper started to morph again, and it became the crane.

So, I got up this morning to see if I remembered how to make the crane. And, I did...after all these years. I guess it just goes to show me that the Muse is there even when we forget about Her.

It got me to thinking about "Up from Eden" by Ken Wilbur. In it, he talks about a time in human history when we could not tell the difference between dreams and reality...literally. That must have been weird.

Breaking the Pony

Did some more work on the stream of consciousness voice over. Read it to Patrick, and he said I should delete all references to making a film lest this film become a film about making a film, and that's about as self-indulgent as you can get. No, it's about searching for the cowboys.

I had a dream last night that I needed to escape from the place I was in. But, my only means of escape was on this pony that was kicking wildly in the middle of the room. I knew I'd have to break the pony to escape. So, I hopped on and kept getting thrown off. Then, an old Japanese dude appeared and told me that I had forgotten to do something very important and that not having done this thing in the order that it needed to be done was preventing me from breaking the pony. "You won't break the pony today," he said.

Now, I know it was only a dream, but what have I forgotten to do? And, when the hell am I going to break this effing pony?

Universal Significance

Bergman finds the "universal significance in private agonies." Last day editing Mark, and I'm glad. I need a break from it. It's too personal, there's too much baggage, and I'm trying so hard to be objective that I'm losing sight of everything.

Cutting Mark has been hard on the both of us, and I'm glad this is the last day...for now. Because I still don't have him. There's something missing. We've cut the following sequences with him:

Introduction to Mark at his old office including interaction with Nick and Todd
Mark and Kanya having dinner at Yamada-san's
Mark at the Craft Dinner
Kanya singing at 7 Seas Marina
Mark at the New OfficeóHe makes a Placement
Mark Exercising, getting ready for work and Eating Kanya's home-prepared Breakfast

Patrick has asked to cut Cloudy next. He says he needs a break...that he's burned out. He thinks that Cloudy will be easier as he is always moving...always dynamic. And, if he has a dark side, we never saw it.

Making Money

Was just thinking about ways to get money to support myself while I finish the film. This whole thing has been funded piecemeal. If I get the grant, we'll be sorted for the rest of the film. If not, we're going to struggle. So, how to support myself...these are the ideas I came up with:



Publish Tokyo Cowboys Memoirs

Get Grant Money for TC

Get Grant Money for Website Development (TC and Elektrik Zoo)

Sell Writing

Go Back to Work at LFS

Temp

Consult (Japan Based Stuff; Business Process Engineering)

Teach

Rent out the Camera

Edit Student Papers for Grammar and Structure

Work in any Capacity on Films

Google Money

Sell Secrets on E-Bay

Shoot Wedding/Birthday Videos

Edit Documents Written by ESL People

Enter Films in Festivals with Cash Prizes

Show Japanese People Around London

Write Grant Proposals for Others

Website Design and Consulting

Do Software Training

Tokyo's Cowboy Lovers

After getting severely depressed in thinking that I was being lazy and not getting enough done in a day, I decided to do something about it. I'm trying something new with my "to do" list...a new process. I'm assigning units of time to everything. When I looked over the previous week's to do lists, I realized that I was scheduling in excess of 18 hours of work a day. That's a bit excessive. So, I decided to start with a 10 hour work day. Then, I wrote down all of the things I wanted to accomplish in that day and prioritized them. Then I assigned times to those tasks. Anything over 10 hours would be relegated to the next day. I think it's working. I don't feel so lazy anymore when all of the items on my day's to do list are ticked off.

Yesterday, I did mostly producer stuff. I sent off the investor contracts to someone who is interested in one share. She also requested that I send her the funding pack and she'll forward it on to some friends. So, I spent a few hours updating the pack. She's a good friend of mine, so she's also sending me some new socks.

I got word back from some people in Japan I had contacted regarding getting the TC story published (a la the Guerilla diaries of Pi director Darren Aronovsky). They were encouraging, and there were few hot leads, which I will follow up in the next few days.

Going into Orebro this weekend to do some research on the broadband connection at Orebro University. There I can research getting funding for the website.

Work becomes your life in Japan. Your life is work...there is no difference. There are hobbies...the Japanese take hobbies seriously. They only do one hobby and the get all the gear and the spare no expense. There's a word in Japanese...Otaku...and it means something like mad obsessive. And they use it to describe people who become completely obsessed with their hobby.

Mark is Tokyo's unfaithful lover.
Cloudy shows her a whopping good time.
Dave was her puppy love.
She is Brent's fag hag.
Ken is her husband.
Patrick is her pretty-boy idol.
Mark Segerlund is her lifetime companion.

Experimenting with Voice Over

I'm thinking of constructing the film around the postcard voice over and moving more or less chronologically. Also, having a bit more fragmentation. Something like this only...I don't know. It's just an idea...a draft of sorts.

Tokyo is the kind of city that you can find anything you can imagine and a lot of things you can't. I knew some guys there. They were making a lot of cash...buying a lot of toys...one of the original bits of voice over I did for a trailer went something like "riding on shinny metal horses and slinging cash to the wind." Cowboys, you know. But, Tokyo...I never thought I'd go back there...she's beaten my ass before. Who's to say that she wouldn't do it again. So I go there and I start shooting these guys, and they're all the same, they're all head hunters and they're all working this mind-numbing job that they wouldn't be doing if it didn't provide them with loads of cash so that they could go out and drink and chase women all night. And I can't even shoot them at work because they're so effing paranoid of what, I don't know, and all they want me to do is shoot them when they're so drunk that they don't remember what they say on camera and then they get all paranoid again.

They are not cooperating and I'm sure that part of it is that I can't explain to them exactly what I'm doing because I'm so green that I don't know exactly what I'm doing but I know these guys and I know the city and she's effing beating me up again. They think that making a film is like making a home video so they make monkey shines in front of the camera, and I can't get them to take anything seriously. Sixty hours of footage and I've got nothing.

Dear Mr. Marker,

Sixty hours of footage, and I've got nothing.

I'm shooting my ex-husband Mark and his girlfriend, and I know that he's doing this because he wants to support me in my new life and all, but it's all complicated and he hasn't thought about the consequences of what will happen if he's completely honest on camera and I know I can make him be honest on camera and this becomes a big problem for him later when he spills all the beans. And his girlfriend hates me and she just wants me and my effing camera to go away, and I totally understand that, but I'm trying to make a film here, and Mark has agreed so what the heck am I supposed to do?

I'm shooting Bryan, and Jason and Steve, and Steve is brilliant, but he freaks out and I was too green to know that I should have gotten him to sign the release form before I shot the 20 or so hours of footage with him.

Mark says I should talk to Ken. He's getting out of the business. He wants to be a talent on TV. I'm not sure how to explain what a talent does...just that they appear on TV and a lot of Japanese people would recognize them on the street. So, what the heck, I'm supposed to be doing this film about cowboys, which I thought were business men, but I'll go see Ken because he's kind of still in the business, so I'm not getting too far away from it, but I've forgotten what "it" is. I'm looking for cowboys on this post modern urban frontier, but what does that mean? And Why? And who's gonna care?

Spot the Cowboy

This pic was sent in by Mark's best friend from childhood. The two of them recently went sailing in San Fran.

Send in your pics of the Cowboys, and I'll post them.

Losing Faith

Patrick is losing faith in Mark as a character. He thinks there's no arc. He thinks we're being self-indulgent in using Mark as a character. Sure he's interesting to us. He's interesting to those who know him. But to people who don't know him...Patrick thinks they won't give a flip about it.

I am of a different mind. I think that Mark represents something important. He's achieved more than most. He's got a successful company, a beautiful wife, friends, lots of things. But he is not fulfilled. He looks forward to an unimagined future...a future that looks quite different from his present. And because he can't paint a clear picture of this future that he wants, he is trapped in the present, "which is fine, you know, but..."

So, what does he represent? He's come to the post-modern urban frontier to make his fortune. He has reinvented himself. But, he longs to reinvent himself again. And, for this, he needs cash...4 million, to be exact. But, what exactly will that buy him? He doesn't know. He hasn't imagined that far.

Postcard

Dear Ken:

Children give breathing legacy to a relationship. Without them, it dies in old age with no one to remember it. Children are a way for us to control our destiny...to ensure that we go riding into the sunrise forever.

A Swifter Birth

The JUSFC grants committee makes it's decision today. I won't know anything until the end of next week at the earliest. I'm trying not to put too much weight on this, but I know that if I get this grant, it will mean a swifter birth of a finished Tokyo Cowboys. I don't want to think about the plans B though Z until I know what the deal is with plan A. Still waiting for my deposit back on the London flat. Still hoping that those who have pledged to buy shares will hold their resolve. Still hoping that our patron comes through at the end of the month. What happens if all of these things comes to fruition? Then we are sorted! Sorted! Sorted for months and months and months...maybe for even a year! But, if none of them bear out, there will be another way...another path. This film will see the light of day no matter what. And I must remind myself that I am in God's hands always.

Muse with Coffee

It's a fascinating process...like sewing a giant, beautiful tapestry. Each day, I see it take shape...I can see the different facits...beautiful details that weren't there just yesterday...secrets revealed to me. And everyday I get closer to seeing the whole...the whole that will be worth more than the sum of it's parts, and each part is priceless. Smaller and smaller pieces, so delicate, so intricate, so subtle. I'm putting myself in the hands of the Muse. She shows up every morning with a cup of coffee in one hand and my pen and ink in the other and says "Get up! Today you write." I'm grateful for my Muse who has been with me for as long as my memory stretches back.

Sequence

"Mark at work at the Old Ingenium Office."

A sequence is a "subset of the overall action." Scenes can contain reversals... "scenes are strongest when they begin at one emotional or informational point and end at another...each scene has a beginning, middle and end." What is my beginning, middle and end? The series of events? Mark working alone, Mark working with Todd, working with Nick, Japanese class, Mark and Nick at El Torito...how can we construct the scene? What information do I want to convey?

Enough for today. Karin has come with my ink, and it's time for us to do our weekly shopping.

Throw your Heart over the Bar

Patrick asks if I'm gonna have a breakdown if I don't get the grant. He wants to be prepared. I tell him I have a plan B...a plan C...even a plan Z. I have been working on alternative plans, but I'd still like to believe that I might just get the grant. It's gonna be pretty embarrassing here and in the TC update if I don't get it.

A few days ago I applied for Brit Docs funding. That again is just a long shot, but it's like the lottery. If you don't apply, you can't win, so you might as well apply.

A few weeks ago, there was an article in the Guradian about patrons of the arts. I started to research them as well. I'm sure that every artist and their grandmother have tried to contact these people, but it got me to thinking about researching other patrons.

It seems like I spend more time researching funding, writing proposals for funding, begging for funding, etc. than I do making films. But, I guess that's part of making films, so I might as well embrace it and be as creative as I can with it. Still, I wish I had a producer who was interested in this sort of thing. I am interested in it and have some good ideas about where to get funding, but it's just all of the work to put those ideas into action. That's what I'm having trouble balancing with the other aspects of filmmaking. It's all about balancing on the tiniest of high wires. But, throw your heart over the bar, and your body will follow.

Yesterday I looked at the footage of Mark at the office during the first trip. I was trying to think about telling a story. I think this scene has a lot of exposition in it. And...well, I'm thinking that it's a challenge with all the scenes. Here we set up Mark as a businessman...we set up his relationship with Nick and Todd, we set up that he is a "proselytizer of decadence." We set up that he does a lot of admin work in his role as CEO. We set you that he struggles with the language. It's all set up and no drama. Is that OK? I guess it's OK if we get into the drama soon after. But where is the drama?

I think I should just focus on getting all of the sequences together. Bernard says "character-driven means that the action of the film emerges from the wants and needs of the character." When Mark is in front of the camera, he wants to be the center of attention. He wants to tell the best and most interesting story.

Postcard

Dear Mark,

What is your passion? What is your passion? What is your passion? What is it? What is it? What the f*ck is it?

Hugs,

Daneeta

Fall

The weather is trying hard to turn to Autumn. I woke up in the early morning hours and couldn't go back to sleep again. Maybe it was the weather. I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair is almost down to my waist. When I started Tokyo Cowboys my hair was as short as a boy's. That tells me how long this film has been in my life.

Watched "Apocalypse Now!" last night. I was struck by that scene near the beginning of Martin Sheen drunk in his hotel room. It ends with him punching at himself in the mirror and cutting his hand. Then, he sits down naked and cries. Martin Sheen was really drunk. They got him liquored up and then turned on the camera. The frustration and confusion we are seeing are Sheen's frustration and confusion...not the character's. He had a heart attack soon after that, and they had to put the film on hold while he recovered. I bring up this story because it reminds me of Mark. I shot an Apocalypse Now! scene with him. And, I just don't know what to do with it.

Postcard

Dear Mark:

It's your faults that make you charming, interesting vulnerable...your tragic flaws. But men don't want their flaws revealed. Only those men filled with hubris or humility will agree to a public airing of their souls. Would you be either one of those?

Mark and Kanya

I had this idea yesterday to focus a little more on Mark and Kanya's relationship. I found this bit of conversation we taped when they were having dinner at Momonoki House. It was quite tender, and it's one of the only times that they are candid. They have forgotten about the camera. That was a good breakthrough. I have to review the footage of them together to see if we have enough.

The thing is to just cut all of the sequences with him to see what we have. Sometimes things can look really good in the paper cut, and look shitty on screen. And, sometimes quite the opposite happens. We think something is not really worth cutting, but we cut it anyway and it ends up being really good. We won't have time to cut every sequence before we leave Sweden. I'm just trying to cut the "A" stuff and we'll have to do the rest later...later...when is that. When will this beast be cut?

Mark as a contrast to Ken...don't lose sight of this.

Postcard

Dear Mark:

You are the one that I can be the least objective about. I've known you half my life, and we rode into the rising sun together. You've achieved all you set out to and more, but I see your wanting. Where is y our freedom? What is your passion? You are Tokyo's unfaithful lover. You look beyond the rising sun for your answers, but this is as far as you've imagined.

TC Announces the Birth of a New Cowboy

Dear Friends and Family,

We announce with great joy the arrival of Leon Sky Cogger born 4:50 AM September 9, 2005. Weighing in at a healthy 3,200 grams. Both baby and mommy are resting and doing great.

Ken Cogger

Patrick in front of Kulkil

In Front of the Pond